Okay, I stayed off this because I know I’ll always change my mind about the order within 15 minutes of posting. But I’ve had a drink and I thoroughly convinced myself that I can pull off a master list.

I very much picked and chose which Doctors count for me personally, so don’t @ me about the Shalka Doctor. And although I love what we’ve seen of Ncuti Gatwa, I’m leaving 15 off for now. So far he’d be well high up though!

Best to worst (and bear in mind, even the worst Doctor ain’t hay):

1. Eleven — No apologies, he was my first and he will always have a special place in my heart. Or hearts. Amy is the best ever, fight me! And the extended Ponds, including River, makes for an amazingly timely wimey run. Also, now you know how subjective this is going to be.

2. Second — despite how little is preserved of his run, I genuinely love Patrick Troughton’s portrayal. Especially coming after Hartnell, that’s gutsy as heck. His chemistry with Jamie is comedy gold, and the animations never live up to their line deliveries!

3. Four — yeah, recency bias perhaps because Tom turned 90 recently. He made such an impact in the role, and his era had legitimate top tier banger episodes. Come on, he was the Doctor that Douglas Adams wrote for! Even now I waffle if he belongs further up, but on any given day he’s in the top three.

4. Twelve — Capaldi had a bumpy start, but I will go to bat that any episode with Missy validates all of the misses (pardon the pun). He frigging channels previous incarnations at times, driven by his masterful acting and deep knowledge of the character from a fan’s perspective. And that last season with Bill — oh! My stars and garters!

5. Seven — McCoy lifted the show when it was at its nadir. He pulled the same trick as Troughton in many ways, playing the hobo and the clown, but amping up the sinister sides of the Doctor to show the ancient alien just beneath the surface. What I wouldn’t have given to see something like “Lungbarrow” come to the screen!

6. Fugitive — no, no! Keep reading! We barely know her, much like (on-screen) Seven or Eight, but whatever you think of the Timeless Child thing — Jo Martin owned the role as soon as she cast off that Chameleon arch identity. In my opinion, the mystery surrounding her only adds to the incarnation.

7. Nine — For all the farting aliens of the 2005 series, Eccleston did a tremendous job reviving the role for a new era (and I don’t like using that term for any old actor or producer run, but the revival show was very much A New Era). I love how when he’s alien he feels planets moving under his feet, but when he’s most human he’s a Mancunian working bloke.

8. Thirteen — I weren’t happy with Whitaker’s run when I watched it week by week, but binging it after the fact? There are a lot of good to great episodes over those three short seasons (and handful of specials). Also some forgettable to poor, but I always thought Whitaker’s work in those was terrific, too. I definitely saw her as a Redemption Doctor that didn’t really work out the way she’d hoped.

9. One — being first is an ungrateful task. Hartnell built the basis of the character, and he contributed a load of character development through his run, too. The grumpy old man from “An unearthly child” who would invent engine damage so his companions would let him explore Skaro — he was largely turned around by the time he regenerated. William Hartnell, I salute you.

10. Fourteen — for a gimmick Doctor, I think RTD and Tennant pulled off some much needed, constructive character development from Ten to Fourteen. And as long as he stays at Donna’s/off the main show for another ten years, I’m fine with the bi-generation — Fourteen needs to chill the F out so we can have the lightning in a bottle that has been Fifteen so far. See below for my issues with Ten.

11. Five — I always thought Davison’s costume mirrored his Doctor’s personality quite well. He’s the Beige Doctor to me. Now, if I could judge him just by the tenures of Tegan, Nyssa and Adric, he might rank higher. On his own though, it’s a hard 10. If only they’d reached “The caves of Androzani” levels sooner.

12. Ten — definitely a majority win, I never warmed to this incarnation. Tennant is an amazing actor, and he sells the part throughout. Most of his stories are gold, too. It’s the writing and the arc of Ten that rubs me the wrong way. He swings hard from carefree adventurer to deeply miserable/mopey and manipulative. All the traits I praise Two and Seven for, but here they feel cartoonist rather than human (or Timelord).

13. Eight — I usually disregard the audios in favour of an all-onscreen head canon, but Paul McGann has been the Little-seen Doctor That Could under Big Finish. He was a terrific first attempt at reintroducing the Doctor after the show’s cancellation, though I think his debut suffered under the production decision to gun down Sylvester McCoy… He maintains the flegmatic manner of Davison or Colin Baker while also being a complete dunce every now and then. And I say that lovingly and as a largely similar personality.

14. Three — there are several factors that make me dunk Pertwee this far down the list: The whole Liberace velvet wardrobe, his patrician demeanour to terrific companions like Liz, Jo, and Sarah Jane — and that dumb fascination with cars. This Doctor leaned a bit too far into Bond/Avengers gadgetry territory for my taste, probably to find something to occupy himself while he was stuck on earth. So you see, all explainable in the grand scheme of things, just not my cup of tea.

15. War — John Hurt went at the role with a lot of glee, bless him, and what screen time we got out of the War Doctor was excellent. To me the mystery of his initial reveal was cut short by his actual (and chronologically final) appearance in “Day of the Doctor”. John Hurt being John Hurt, and also passing not so long after, I could have still wished for just one more outing to fill in how he lived (with himself) during the Time War, to better understand how he became such a downer at the end.

16. You guessed it, Six at the bottom again. There was just a lot to dislike from the start. The assault on the eyes for one thing (I mean the costume, not CB’s appearance. He was quite fetching in his day 🙂) but also the actual assault on Peri. There was so much going on behind the scenes at the time, I know — as a viewer, I can only judge what I see. I really enjoyed parts of " Trial of a Time Lord”, and I did hope Colin could have had just another series with better stories… and in the black leather jacket he suggested from day one.

So. How did I do? Should I have ranked the Moebius Doctors as well, individually obviously, and the Rebel Flesh and Metacrisis Doctors too? Because you know, that will throw the whole game off.