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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Financial-Break8716 on 2024-01-24 12:51:20+00:00.

So, here’s the deal. My daughter Anna recently turned 18, and I’ve always had this rule that she shouldn’t start dating until she reaches the age of 23. I know, some might think that’s insane, but hear me out.

In our family, the tradition has usually been for women to start seeking marital partners around the age of 23. It’s not just some arbitrary number; it’s based on the belief that relationships formed before that age tend not to last. I come from a line of strong, committed marriages, and I want the same for my daughter.

I firmly believe that people who date at a younger age are often just looking for hookups and not long-lasting commitments. My goal for my daughter is for her to find a partner who has their life together, someone she can build a future with. It’s not about restricting her freedom; it’s about ensuring that she enters into a relationship for the right reasons.

Now, imagine my disappointment when I found out she had a secret boyfriend. I discovered this not through some confession or honesty on her part but by snooping through her phone. I stumbled upon text messages between her and her boyfriend that were inappropriate and went against the values I’ve tried to instill in her.

Not only did she break the rule, but she also hid it from me. That hurt. I had trusted her to respect our family values, and she went behind my back.

I had a serious talk with her, explaining my perspective on relationships and why I believe it’s crucial for her to at least wait until she was 21. I want her to have a solid foundation before diving into the complexities of dating life. Unfortunately, she didn’t see it the same way.

Given the breach of trust, I decided to take action. I’ve grounded her, taken away her car privileges and forced her to block her boyfriend as I wasn’t going to allow her to see him no longer. It was not about punishment; it was about teaching her responsibility and the importance of honesty in our family.

However, my wife, who isn’t Anna’s biological mother just to put that out there as my late wife(Anna’s real mom) sadly passed a few years ago, being more lenient, told me that I may be being too strict by taking away all of her privileges. She warned me that pushing her away with such harsh measures might not be the best approach.

It’s left me conflicted. On one hand, I want to stick to my values and ensure she understands the gravity of her actions. On the other, I’m worried that my strictness might alienate her.

Am I being too harsh or am I justified in my actions?