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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/BugMom2010 on 2024-01-23 14:56:41+00:00.

AITA for including my FIL on a group text? Husband (M/54) & I (F/45) live 10 mins from IL’s (87/88). Hubs won’t move away IL’s, in the event they needed him. It was his decision, & I accepted it as terms of our marriage. SIL (F/52) left for college at 18 & never moved back, living under 3grs away. She doesn’t work & has been a stay-at-home Mom for 18 yrs. Hubs worked in a factory f while I started my business & did not have leniency to help IL’s. The first 5 yrs I was in business I was the one taking care of them when needed. They were more mobile and my FIL still drove then, but it was me who sacrificed days I should have been at my office to tend to them. Income was tight but we always made it work. Last yr, Hubs was driving through her town & asked SIL to breakfast. He asked her to help with MIL’s eye appointments which are every scheduled every 8 weeks, plenty of tome to plan around. We handle all of the day-to-day, from grocery shopping to taxi for all other necessities. In addition, when there’s an emergency, which with the elderly happens often, we handle that as well. [Examples: FIL mobility is declining so Hubs goes over to help him shower once a week. When he can’t stand he has to drive over to help him stand up; including from the toilet. MIL bladder fell out & called me at 9pm & I took her to OBGYN following morning at 8am.]

Fast forward 6 months & Hubs called SIL to ask when she’ll be able to help. After reminding her that he asked for help months ago, SIL became agitated. SIL: I don’t live there. Hubs: It’s a day trip, we make 1 day trips to visit you all the time (2 weeks prior for nephews Grad party, drove down & back in the same day w/ IL’s). SIL: Well, I’m busy (as she was packing for last min trip to Hawaii with her family). Hubs: We are too. SIL: I have the kids. Hubs: So do I, & mine are younger. SIL: Yeah, well mine are “active” (said condescendingly). Hubs: I’ve been taking care on Mon & Dad 3 years, I need help. SIL: (very aggressively) It has NOT been 3 years, it’s been 1. Hubs: I’ve been getting their groceries since Covid & that was 3 years ago! Me: (in the background not yelling but apparently loud enough that I was overheard) I did it for years before you could because of your job. SIL: I don’t need to hear HER mouth in the background. Hubs: (sigh) we work… SIL: Well, from everything Mom & Dad told me, you owe them.

Hubs drove to IL’s to confront IL’s who were mortified & said they never insinuated we owed them anything, and that we didn’t. The next morning, I sent a group text to SIL, BIL, Hubs. But at the last second, I also included my FIL. My thought, she was the one who brought them into the conversation as her source, may as well make sure we’re all on the same page. I told her she was gross & out of line. An hour later BIL text me saying I had every right to feel the way I did but did not have to include FIL on text I that I ruined the family with my big mouth by doing so. AITA to including IL’s on text?