So for those unfamiliar with the acronym, fear of missing out. I definitely used alcohol as a crutch for socialisation (autism, and when I drink, I don’t feel so autistic). I have been out to a pub / karoake night and successfully not drunk alcohol, twice so far.
When I think about the future and the idea of ‘never drinking alcohol again’ it makes me feel a little sad. I imagine all the fun nights out I used to have, that I won’t have anymore… I imagine sitting around sighing, twiddling my thumbs while everyone has raucous fun.
I don’t feel like these are unreasonable worries, so hoping for some insights to puncture them. My main weapon to fight back is to imagine how I feel the morning after (nauseous, pounding head, sweating) and how that day is wasted; then to remind myself that drinking kicks me into a manic phase, with inevitable week+ of depression to follow.
I used to know a guy called Brian, friend of the family… he was always the life and soul of every party despite being teetotal. Always admired him, maybe that should be my mantra… “WWBD?”
Adding my two cents in as somebody who gave up alcohol about 6 months ago, I had a lot of the same worries. Alcohol used to tame my social anxiety (although it was often actually the excuse to drink that got me going out). I used to become really gregarious after drinking, and I was afraid about how I would handle social situations without a drink in my hand. I didn’t want to completely shelter myself from drinking events or force my friends to have to abstain from drinking around me, because this wasn’t about them.
Since then, I’ve attended and hosted parties, gone to music festivals, hung out with friends, gone to bars, etc. Although there have been awkward moments (being the only sober one at a party after a few hours when everybody’s drunk gets boring), it’s been amazing! I’ve found my sober confidence, and honestly except for some curious questions (“you’re still not drinking?”), nobody’s cared. I’m just as much fun and social, actually more. I don’t start slurring my speech and saying dumb things after getting wasted. I can let go easier, especially once others are a little tipsy, because I have more of my faculties than they do. I can drive to places I couldn’t have if I’d been drinking. The key is always having a non-alcoholic beer or other drink in my hand so I don’t feel awkward or left out.
If I want to let loose a bit more, I might smoke a bit of pot.
Overall, I don’t really feel like I’m missing out on much anymore, which has been shocking. I realized that for me, more than the alcohol itself, it was the ritual of the cold drink (which NA beer scratches) and bring able to get out of my own head that was i.portant.
Hope this helps!
Thanks, that is a very helpful tip. I’ve sort of fallen off the wagon… not out of control with it, but I went out to investigate the two local pubs at my dad’s new place a couple of Saturdays ago, I panicked at the bar and got a pint. Then sat and drank it in a bingo hall full of very, very old people… then went to the bar upstairs and had a couple there.
I felt like a bit of a failure at first but after thinking about it… this is a process, I’m a human being not a robot, and I’m going to slip up from time to time. The main thing is that I didn’t go full ‘Tasmanian Devil’, and stopped after 3 low-% beers. Will definitely make sure I’ve got something non-alcoholic in my hand in future and mentally prep for ‘bar panic’.
I’m glad it was helpful! Don’t beat yourself up about temporary setbacks. This is a marathon, not a race. “Field trips” are definitely a normal part of the journey.
What ultimately helped me was to deeply change the way I thought about alcohol at a subconscious level. As long as some part of me felt deprived, I don’t think abstinence would have worked. This was easier said than done, because alcohol had been a deep part of my identity forever. Giving it up felt like losing something core to myself.
I’m not entirely sure how it worked, but what I did was allow the question of “why do I want to quit?” to marinate in my brain for a while. I lurked r/stopdrinking daily, and was surprised at how many people had stories similar to mine. This helped dispel some of that “there is something uniquely wrong with me” notions. Then I went and read some quit lit - The easy way to control alcohol, Naked Mind, etc. I then wrote down a long document with all the reasons I wanted to quit. At some point, I had this feeling like the different parts of my subconscious were finally onboard. Quitting didn’t feel like a sacrifice, but more of a collective agreement amongst my subconscious selves that alcohol wasn’t really welcome to the party anymore.
Then I protected my sobriety for the first couple of months. I didn’t go out to any venues that had alcohol, I told my close friends about it, and stocked my apartment with non-alcohol beverage options. I think it takes a few weeks before the old habits really start weakening.
Sorry for the wall of text, but all the best in your sober journey! IWNDWYT
Sorry I’m only just replying to your last message. I’ve left it marked ‘unread’ to keep in my messages for a couple of weeks now, so I can keep re-reading it… really good advice and I greatly appreciate it.
No problem at all! All the best in your sobriety journey!
