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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: May 29th, 2022

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  • cw: mental health

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    I got put in a psych ward when I was 14 for missing school for a couple days and saying I didn’t want to live anymore.

    They kept me for over a week in a “behavioral center”, a depressed and scared kid, with individuals from 12-18, some with extremely violent and antisocial tendencies. Some who had run away from home. Some who had just tried recreational drugs. One who fought a guy who his girlfriend cheated on him with. One trans kid. Felt like a totally random assortment of kids with generic “behavioral issues”. They pumped me full of drugs, probably tried 3 or 4 different ones. Barred windows, no outside time, 24/7 surveillance including toilet use. No phone. Pencils only when supervised. Group therapy. Two-to-a-room, regardless of how violent one may be. Hospital gown and disposable slippers the whole time. They had a padded isolation room if you misbehaved. I was disallowed leisure time for 2 days because of a misunderstanding (some kid threatened another, and the victim gave a very vague description of his threatener, “stocky, long hair” – it wasn’t until a nurse asked him “was it him?” referring to me, and he acquitted me that I was allowed leisure time.) No apology. Humanization only from technicians, not nurses or psychs. 11th day. “Your insurance will only cover 11 days. You’re free to go. Hope the meds work.”

    Sorry to spill my guts like this. I have family who worked in a maximum security prison, and they told me spree killers often get more freedom than us kids had in the ward. I still don’t know how I feel about that experience to this day. More than anything it probably just “scared me straight”, leading me to hide depressive tendencies thereafter regardless of how I truly felt lest I get locked up again.


  • Yeah, hate to disappoint this individual but as someone who’s lived in basically every type of area but a major city or suburb (as in, extremely rural to less extremely rural to semi-rural to semi-urban) it does not get better. Meth is everywhere, cops are just as brutal (they just operate under the cover of darkness without nearly as much oversight, which is saying A LOT as there is almost none in major cities too). Sheriffs act like de facto warlords over their jurisdictions at times. Rural areas are great for robber barons (esp. landlords and franchise owners) as well, so it’s not like you escape the wealth inequality and everyone’s poor. It’s the wild west goddamn everywhere except maybe suburbs, because only prim and proper “upper middle class” (net worth varies state by state) salaried workers can hope to ever live in those areas, and cops love them (as long as they’re white). There is “still” rampant violence against BIPOC in these areas (still in quotes because it’s all a facet of the systematic apartheid that keeps those places wealthy). Amerikans are shitty pretty much everywhere, in different ways, because they’ve been socialized to be. Bystander effect, bootstrap-pulling, and I’ve-got-mine-fuck-you ideology are baked deep into the Amerikan psyche. And some of them are good people (just getting utterly fucked over).

    An interesting phenomena I’ve been noticing is that the richer and whiter the area, the more Amerikan flags you see placed outside of peoples’ houses. The poorer and less white areas, less so.


  • I thought 300 was cool as hell when I watched it, too. There’s just a lot of apocryphal subtext within the movie that lends itself very well to fascist imagery and ideology, like the portrayal of Spartans tossing inbred and deformed infants to the rocks and it being treated as more like an interesting and metal quirk than something horrific. A lot of it is pretty ahistorical, too.

    I don’t know if you’re interested in longer form video content, but Big Joel (a supposed lefttuber or breadtuber or whatever, his media criticism is really good imo) has a vid on it where he explains that he really enjoys the movie but has some issues with it – also engaging with fans of the movie who got pissed at him online. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hEMqTPUWXqw

    edit: I’m not sure you’d agree with all of his points and that’s perfectly ok. There’s probably a coherent argument to be made regarding the movie in favor of it, it’s just that the majority of the people making those arguments online are loud obnoxious manbabies.