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- cross-posted to:
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FFS! We’ve been aware of ADHD in various names for ~100 years
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I strongly believe that a friend of mine has undiagnosed ADHD. The degree to which everyone around him keeps saying, “he’s not atypical, he just to stop being a fuck up and commit to something” is frustrating. My man needs treatment, not tough love.
“he’s a smart kid, he just needs to apply himself” and “but you know what to do here, I’ve seen you do it so why are you having problems with it now?”
Both are things I’ve heard constantly through my life. Made me feel horrible about myself every single time because I didn’t understand why at the time either.
Most of my teachers just assumed I was pissing about behind their backs and would ask me “you must know why you haven’t been able to complete the work/homework/task” even if I had been listening and really trying.
Took the whole of primary school and the first year of secondary school before I actually got a teacher who understood and helped me to actually get somewhere.
Still not officially diagnosed just because of how shockingly bad adult ADHD diagnosis is in the UK and not being able to go private but most all the techniques I’ve used have worked and I think almost any GP that would look at me would probably agree.
Just to say, anyone who might be reading this and can imagine themselves saying/have said these in the past, please don’t. You have no idea how unhelpful/damaging talking like this can actually be to someone who really needs the extra support.
I had a 2.5 GPA in high school during the Bush era No Child Left Behind times and remember their fucking brown boring ass book packets for homework and class…and LOATHING those unstimulating ass books just to get told I am just not smart enough to be in better classes. Until I unlocked the upper level AP classes my last two years of high school, which didn’t need an exam to get placement. Got a 4.0 the next school year and 4.5 cumulative my last year, its unfucking believable how many other students are and have likely been held back by how education is served to neurodivergents and hell even neurotypical folks.
2.0 is straight C’s
3.0 is straight B’s
4.0 is straight A’s
5.0 is straight A’s but with AP classes (college level) buffing it up
Man, I feel that. Something that I’ve been thinking about for a while now is how disabled people (whether it’s a condition that affects their brain, or body, or both) end up sort of “stress-testing” society.
In this case, your comment makes me sad because I’ve seen similar instances to what you describe, but also, I am reminded of countless more people who seem unlikely to have ADHD, but also don’t do well with tough love. The harmful impact of tough love is more pronounced in people with ADHD though, and that’s what I mean about “stress-testing”.
This opinion is also heavily informed by the fact that I’m also autistic and diagnosed in my teens. I spent too many years trying to fit myself in a box that would never fit me, and I see so many people who *technically" fit in the box, but seem profoundly uncomfortable. From this angle, autism feels like my ticket to liberation because I think if I could fit inside the box (of societal expectations etc.), then I’d have accepted making myself uncomfortable in a model that wasn’t built for my wellbeing.
it’s the old adage that designing for disability benefits everyone, and good lord it just never stops being true.
like, no one functions perfectly at all times, EVERYONE has points in their life where they just can’t perform to expected standard and if things are built with disabilities in mind then they can simply make use of that when needed.
Sure you might have two functional legs right now, but who knows when you’ll lose one or both? and at some point you’ll become old and gangly and the idea of walking 3 stories with groceries will make you weep. So maybe let’s design things with disability in mind so it’s simply never a thing anyone has to worry about.
I feel ya. I think that for mild mental health issues, simply giving people an acceptable excuse for “not having to fit in the box,” probably does more than the actual treatment.
My man needs treatment, not tough love.
This is true for so many things. Tough love rarely works for anyone, for any reason. I can’t wait for the day when it’s no longer so deeply ingrained in American culture as the answer to every single problem. It can really fuck people up far worse than they were to begin with, especially kids. I don’t know what the fuck people are thinking when they decide that treating someone like crap will make them a better person.
I’ve got depression and anxiety. I went undiagnosed for way too long and believed I was just a fuckup, unable to live a full life in our society because of some personal failings. It took a long time to love myself. My friends who reinforced the fuckup narrative aren’t my friends anymore.
“You’re just using it as an excuse” is now a red flag for me that I’m talking to a garbage person and saves a lot of emotional energy kicking them out of your life.
“Oh yeh, we all have a bit of ADHD though right?”
I read a good rebuttal to this on here a while back that stuck with me.
“Yeah we all pee also, but if you do it 500 times a day there is something wrong.”
I wrote this in another thread. (not that the idea is original)
Basically, everyone experiences attention deficits. Regularly forgetting to eat because of inattention is a disorder.
My response is even harsher, I go with lead has a 60% chance of causing adhd and lead was banned from being put in cars at the gas station in 1996. Then watch as most people my age realize they may have been exposed. The rest of the 40% chance is autism and more severely cerebellar hypodysplasia.
“Well when your little bit of ADHD ruins your career, relationships, school, self esteem, self confidence, then we can talk”
I get that with autism. I have autism, and when i tell people, often they’re like “oh, we’re all a little autistic”
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Bro just pay attention bro just focus on what you’re supposed to be doing bro
Just get a planner
the monkey’s paw curls as you start doodling and suddenly 5 years have passed without you noticing
Me (of yore) checking out my ex-gf with ADHD’s class notes: “Why are there so many eyes drawn in the tops and margins?”
Her: “Mind your business!”
Thank you. I’m cured.
Thanks, I’
#SQUIRREL!!!
I’ve done this about migraine. “Incurable neurological brain condition” gets lots of sympathy, migraine gets “oh boohoo, you have a “headache””.
Anyone who says boohoo has clearly never had a migraine. I’ve only had one once and holy shit. …that was much more than a headache.
and like even if it is just headache… HEADACHES SUCK! we need to normalize actually taking a break when you have pain, ignoring it because it’s “no big deal” is so fucking toxic
Exactly. Like I have to ignore a lot of pain constantly, but that’s cause I live with chronic pain 24/7/365. So if I want to do anything with my life I have to deal with it when it’s manageable. But when it passes my threshold I am out. Done, I need to rest, take a break, meds, nap, etc. And then I get shamed by people “for not being able to handle a little pain”, even though I’m in more pain every day than many people have ever been in.
Yeah, saying migraine is “just a headache” is like saying a heart attack is “just a little chest pain”. It’s one of the most common chronic health problems, and yet it’s significantly mocked. So annoying.
If all I get is an aura and 24 hours of disorientation, discomfort, and nausea, I feel like I won the lottery.
I will make exactly one attempt to educate someone who doesn’t treat it seriously. The amount of ignorance and general lack of education and awareness out there is staggering.
I’m so glad my boss and team have a working knowledge of migraines, because it’s super nice to tell them I have to drop because of the pain or nausea from a migraine and they’re totally cool with it.
Yep, thankfully my boss was really great about it as well. Though that was straight up a safety matter as a lifeguard. Many of my co-workers weren’t, but that can be dealt with.
It’s a neurological condition that has led to me picking up quite a few musical instruments over the years.
How many can you carry at the same time?
How high do you have to lift them to get them over the years?
Damn, have your arms gotten sore yet? /s
I asked my parents to get me evaluated as a kid and my mom said it wasn’t real. At 32, I got evaluated and was diagnosed. Told my dad today and he’s like “no shit? You got it from me” Well thanks for sticking up for me as a kid, dad lol
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Cool, i’m guessing this bot thing makes it easier to follow and contribute to lemmy comment threads from Mastodon?
That’s the idea, yes. It’s meant to facilitate discovery
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Can you explain why you put ‘diagnosed’ in quotes?
Because I don’t feel like I actually have it, I don’t feel like most people actually die. The symptoms are vague and broad and people who truly suffer ADHD, autism and executive function disorders are harmed by atypicals parading around like they have real issues when their real problem is they can controll themselves. My cure was not ADHD meds it wasn’t caffeine it. It was learning to be purposeful in my actions and managing myself.
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Boring (or in this case ‘fun’) Dystopia
