I’m doing pretty good. One more week of work before a long overdue vacation. Also finally had a consultation for gender affirming surgery which I am so so excited about. Things looking good at the moment!

Having just a teensy bit of a nervous breakdown reevaluating my life choices the night before a job interview.

Gonna try to get to sleep, though.

Monday. Alarm goes off. Partner says to turn it off cause she set hers for later. She did not.

Cue panic mode.

Partner looks at clock. It is 8:22. Son needs to be at school in 8 minutes. There is a class trip.

We made it. School is across the street.

Came home. Sat on couch and wasted time on internet. At 9:30 my phone pings. Says I have a meeting at 10. I think, “that’s a mistake…I work this afternoon”.

I check the online schedule. I have meetings all morning from 10 to 1PM.

Cue panic. Shower and eating. Dressed. Run out the door. Exhausted. Hot. No coffee.

Phone dies as I sit down for the first meeting.

Not an awesome start. But, kinda fun in a way.

Olivia Chow just won the Toronto by-election, so my week is off to a good start :)

Also, Pride was over the weekend, and I got a new bike.

Starting the fun task of looking for work. Have a few prospects but god i just wish i had another option. Still, im not at risk of being back homeless and i got some time to rest so i should be grateful. I just had hoped i would be more mentally healthy before i had to go back, you know?

My annual review morphed into a long meeting where the outcome was all involved realized the position wasn’t going to allow me any growth, and they can’t just create a higher-paying position for me (10 employees total), and they don’t really want automation because what they have requires no training.

On the plus side, no one’s really eager for me to go, so I have quite a bit of paid runway. I’d been thinking more over the weekend anyway about how I couldn’t honestly say I was enjoying my job anymore, and I guess I hadn’t been hiding that as well as I thought.

Now, all I need to do is find a new job while executing an even larger lifestyle change.

built my first pc a couple days ago :) im really happy with it

I partied too hard this last weekend because so many pride parties. I knew artists at 3 gigs and ended up running host/mgr duty for 2 (luckily one had host assigned because it was a bigger venue). I think I ended up at like 7 different parties plus the main parade, I kinda lost count lol. I’m not sick, but I can tell I’m probably gonna be soon. 11/10 worth it, fun fun weekend

Mine not so good. I had some problems with my mother and the relationship is not going well. I hope everything goes better with the time or I will be forced to leave home.

Prayer circle for my car… hoping to get it back from the shop this week so I can go see my friends for Canada Day!

Pretty great actually! I just signed the offer letter for a new job and will turn in my notice at my current job later today. I’ve also been reconnecting with some old friends and was able connect some of them back with each other too. I stayed up a little late playing some games with them last night. It was great hearing everyone goofing around together again, it almost felt llike no time had passed at all

Well week 2 of “potentially going to just end up homeless” is pretty shit too. Looked at a house an hour away, it was awful, roof in disrepair, the guy was living in one room and smoking in it after his divorce so the whole house smelled like smoke, there was moss growing in a window. Multiple other issues. Noped out of that one.

Stared at realtor site longer.

One gets listed that’s perfect, it meets every single one of our needs and isn’t a long commute, we go look, put in an offer. We have the highest offer. Our agent calls saying the realtor says if we can offer a gap coverage if the house appraises lower we’ll be close, we can do a small gap (5k) and still have enough to close. She calls back later, apparently they’re now between us and another offer, but they have a higher gap so if we can offer 10k and extend closing date we’ll probably get it. Talk to family, they say we can borrow 3k if necessary, great we have just enough.

Nope they did the same thing to the other buyer and increased the gap and chose them.

I just want to give up. Fuck all of this, fuck shitty landlords and fuck scummy real estate agents, fuck the housing market, fuck not having enough money, fml

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I really was dreading work this week. There are a number of large things that are kind of just getting kicked down the road so it’s hard to truly disconnect on the weekends. I have a good plan and support network but it’s just a long road.

Sometimes in life, we have to just accept being uncomfortable and work through it. I have also found a new power in positive self-talk, combining this with meditation has given me some well needed moments of peace of mind.

i am unimaginably sleepy

Hats off to you and the team! May many hours of sleep be bestowed upon you for countless nights to come.