spoiler
Ive kinda considered quiet quitting mg transition, I feel like few take it serrious, and my friends that do it feels like they are just being nice to me cause they feel bad that my dreams just are not possible. At this point ive kinds reached the idea that I’ll just boymode forever and hope they silently change my ID back to male so I can just go back into the closet while still on HRT since its so far in the past 2 years made virtually zero difference for me. I dont wanna get off hrt but at the same time, I know I’ll never be seen my general population as a women. I just feel like its too late since I started at 200+ lbs and fat couldn’t redistirube properly so ive permently missed out of stuff like hips and more femine views. Someone here acually said I didn’t look a day over 35, I’m 22. I just feel like being in the closet and just looking like a nobody dude, who avoids talking to people is the best course of action. If I’m lucky the second hand smoke I grew up with will kill me when I’m 40.
(not trans but ally)
I hate the way I look, and wish I could change several major characteristics about myself, but it’s also based around what I think everyone thinks about me; and there are a few that think I am attractive, and that (the cliché) ‘you are a very good person and that is a big part of why you are attractive’ (summarized ofc).
I have a couple trans friends, one is my best friend. They came out to me a couple years+ ago, so scared of the reaction they’d get. They told me first, even before their partner (again, scared). I’ve made a few missteps since (deadname x.x), but I don’t care about what their id says or what bits they have - they are a great friend, we’ve made so many awesome memories together. Your friends could be just like me, and they just want to see their friend be happy.
You don’t need a certain figure to “count” or be “desirable”, over the years (I’m 30, for context) I’ve found that my narrow view of what is attractive has expanded quite a lot. There are people who will think you are incredibly attractive, even if you don’t share their opinions about yourself. And with a little bit of time, you can start to see yourself as ‘you’ and not this ‘pinnacle of attractiveness’, because it doesn’t exist.
You mention briefly your weight, too; my friend is well over 200, their partner even moreso, I myself am along the same number as my friend, and my master is quite a bit bigger than I. Like I said, I used to think that I was attracted to just a couple different traits and body types. I still am attracted to those traits and body types, but I’ve found that I really like the person first, and their body and physical traits second. I know I’m not the only one like this, and there are people who want to be with someone like yourself, and they can bring you up and make you realize that you are attractive just the way you are.
You’ll do okay, it will be okay. Keep on the path that makes you happy, in the long run.
internet hug
I was overweight when I started hrt too. Your fat can still redistribute. The fat you have isn’t going to move on its own and that’s the case for everyone. In order to get fat to move you need to lose it and then gain it again. I started dieting and exercising after I got on HRT and I lost a lot of weight from my waist and that’s already made me feel more feminine.
From my understanding, your body is going to be using fat and re-building fat deposits even if you aren’t losing weight, which given enough time should eventually move fat deposits. But if there’s a lot of fat to be moved, then “eventually” might not be on a timescale that’s useful. Forcing the body to burn more fat while on HRT of course speeds up the process.
Yeah. My understanding as well is that weight fluctuates throughout the day which slowly causes weight redistribution. I neglected to mention it just because it is a very slow process and I find exercising to be a better way to get weight redistribution instead of just waiting.
I think I should get off hrt until I loose weight
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Losing weight while on T is going to cause your body add/remove weight in masculine areas. It’s much better for you to stay on HRT while losing weight so that way you end up with a feminine figure.
What I’m gathering eaother way I’m gonna be stuck with this for a few years regardless, and since I lost at the genetic lottery I I feel like its not possible once so ever
Time marches on regardless. You could work on yourself or you could do nothing. Do you want to be where you are today 5 years from now?
You cope by not basing your sense of self on your appearance.
You are depressed. “If I’m lucky the second hand smoke I grew up with will kill me when I’m 40” is not the sort of thing someone in a sound state of mind would ever say. I don’t know you, I don’t know your situation, I can’t really offer any practical advice on this point. But you need to sort out your mind using the resources that are available to you. That should be your top priory. Redistributing your fat is something that will take time and dedicated effort, and you are in no state to do that now if you’re as depressed as you sound. Take care of yourself.
You should look into hair care. Your hair is wavy, and wavy hair requires some pretty specific care to make it look great. You should look into that. Improving your hair care routines will give you a significant improvement to your appearance with very little time investment.
I doubt ill ever look remotely enough decent to realive my dystphoia I legit look what consertives think a trans person looks like, IM A THREAT.
Why do you care what they think?
I just wanna look like a women and not get the “we are treating you nicely but their is a visible unconferable vibe in the room” when I’m “girl” moding
So, what do you intend to do about it?
Hey… I don’t have any actual advice for you. Sorry you’re going through a rough time. This too shall pass.
I’m with this person. You have our support friend! Nothing matters but your opinion of yourself, and since that is entirely provided by you, it can be as positive as you need it to be. Be good to yourself.
Sky are you in contact with your doctor and/or a therapist? Even your nutritionist (at your GP).
There’s value to having weight in transition but there’s also some troubleshooting that is better left to a medical professional. Fat redistribution happens when fat is gained and lost. Our bodies aren’t automatic.
Holy shit someone tried to guess your age? ☠️ never guess a woman’s age dummy.
Sorry you’re having a rough time of it. Don’t let your ability to remain confident about passing (euphoria vs dysphoria) put your transition back on the shelf. I’m just gonna keep reminding you these posts are dysphoria. This is mental unwellness speaking louder than your logical mindful brain can.
I currently use a telehealth doctor to get my E, unfortunately I dont have insurance so proper healthcare has been out of reach.
Oh shit this might be me. My doctor told me to absolutely go to this specific clinic near me. Aaaand then my healthcare ran out before I scheduled and got an appointment there. I have to go buy insurance, but, I have a lot of doubts about it and myself 😞 I think I’m responding to dysphoria with avoidance, but I have other avoidance triggers going on.
You’re fucking 22. The human body is immensely maleable, and you have an enormous amount of time. HRT doesn’t change your body. It dictates how your body will tend to change. The fat on your body isn’t moved into a more feminine shape. Your new hormonal makeup will cause you to burn old fat and deposit new fat in different places and ways. If you dedicate yourself to changing your body, your body will change into a feminine shape. Stop dooming yourself before you’ve taken yourself seriously and given yourself the time and effort you deserve. I’m in my mid 30s. I assumed, based on both research and online anecdotes, that my hips wouldn’t change much if at all. This winter I’m gonna need all new pants. The pants that fit my slightly softer hips last year barely hold me now. I have no comfortable pants because I changed more than the data suggested I would. Start taking yourself seriously. Give yourself the same respect you would give a sympathetic stranger. You’ll beat me to thriving by a decade.
Dedicate myself how? Sorry if I sound stupid
You have to consistently make choices that put your wellbeing and your goals first. If you want to change your body, do it. I can’t say how that looks for you and your life. Be active and treat your body well. Those are the only universals.
yeah it’s just hard being lower income, and suffering from binge. people see it as a binary loose weight and feel better, or stay the same and feel like shit but for me it’s harder.
Like I said, I don’t know what that looks like for you. But eating well and being active can be cheap. I eat healthier when I’m extra broke. I have a handful of dirt cheap meals I can eat on repeat like a robot because that’s how I’m weird about food. I understand that it’s difficult. At your age, I was in the depths of what would be my greatest mental health crisis to date. I was years away from the psychological stability to transition and worked at basically minimum wage for most of those years. What’s important is your drive and direction. You have to be genuine and consistent in both. It’s not easy. It’s hard and it hurts. And you still do the work to be the person you want to be. Do as much or as little as you can every day, but keep doing the work.
