transcription: just saw a straight woman CONFIDENTLY say lesbian marriage isnt a real marriage its just “two best friends who get each other off” and like bestie, idk what has gone wrong in your life but thats exactly what marriage is supposed to be, regardless of the genders involved. as opposed to real marriage, where you have two people who dislike each other and dont get each other off.
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Wholesome top post.
Nice username
Marriage is just formalising the intent to continue fucking your best friend. Sexuality is completely irrelevant.
I have married friends who haven’t had sex for over a year. They are still best friends.
Fucking your best friend for tax benefits.
The tax benefit depends on the size of your income. At least wehere I live if you are poor, particularly if only one parent works, single parents are eligible for a lot more government benefits, so it costs you every year to get married.
Realistically the fucking is optional so long as the both of you have agreed to the arrangements.
Like I’m ace and my partner and I have been married for 8 years. It’s just been an 8 year long sleepover with my best friend with added tax benefits.
Congrats to you and bestie
Time to go search what ace is cuz I forgot
Cheers!
Oh ace is short for asexual that makes sense :)
This is adorable and I’m happy for you both. Cheers.
And health benefits when you hit a certain age
Health benefits at ALL ages, loneliness and isolation kill.
As for the bottom comment of the screenshot, marriage has typically seen as economic for much of human history. So yes, real marriage is when two people dislike each other and don’t get each other off.
It makes me wonder what changed, though. Like the boomers still subscribed to this mindset as shown by the prevalence of “I hate my wife and she hates me” humour. But then it started changing to the point now where even dating seems to be down.
At one point, being alone was considered failure or at least sad. But I’ve got the mindset of “I’d rather be alone than with a partner that doesn’t meet my standards” and I don’t seem to be alone in that (heh).
I’ll never understand the assertion that it’s normal for married people to not get along with their spouse or their spouse isn’t their best friend. What exactly do people think the point of marriage is beyond religious reasons?
Because marrying for love is a very recent development when it comes to the institution of marriage.
Marriage was created for the primary purpose of passing down family wealth, and ensuring that it stayed within the family. Marriage was a tool to secure political and economic relationships first and foremost. For most of history, consent between the couple to be didn’t even matter.
This fundamental reason behind marriage predates most religions, who later co opted it.
As time goes by, the actual reason behind traditions gets lost and forgotten, so most people just have some nebulous obligation to marry ingrained within them, e.g. my grandparents got married without even knowing each other, so people should be satisfied with anything better than that.
This extremely problematic history behind marriage is also why some progressives perceive marriage as an oppressive institution that is impossible to reform, and seek to abolish it entirely.
Ten key moments in the history of marriage - BBC News - https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17351133
Be old/conservative, want to have sex at 18 because hormones, you can’t unless you’re married, get hitched for life to the first attractive person who shows up, wake up in 10 years and realize you married a stranger and you don’t really get along.
accidentally play the long game instead
> build community group for shared hobby
> get a few dozen ppl
> group gradually over years expands to be a lot more
> together with friends make a sidegroup with those y’all like talking with, so y’all dont spam the rest of the community under
> continue chatting about hobbies, gay stuff etc
> eventually you and another realise you like each other
> talk with them more
> oops now you have a date
> meet up irlthats how i got into a queer ass relationship at least, basically the online version of creating/joining a hobby club and realising you like each other.
and tbf, if you think about it, a real good relationship should be that anyways - it’s like having best friends but you do much more than that, like cuddling and mrrrping together :3*
shared interests and complementing personalities help amazingly more, tbh. looks are great, but unless if you’re going for a short term thingy, i feel like personality is something you should prioritise on. but to each their own.
* like yeah there’s fwb but a romantic relationship is a little different. there’s this kind of level of trust where you can be truly yourself and tell each other the wackiest shit.
Aw good for you :)
This is the longest, most elaborate way I’ve ever seen to say “I like rock climbing.” j/k
I’ve been with my wife for sixteen years next month. I’m still madly in love with her and I genuinely like being around her. I kinda hope she feels the same way about me.
You gotta hit her with one of these:
“Do you like me? □ Yes □ No”That’s silly. I like it. I’ll do that when I get home from work. :P
Tbf, I do feel spouses have a duty to hold eachother to a higher standard than friends do. For mutual improvement, growth, etc… And shared ownership/finances is huge. And often raising kids. Marriage is a lot more than just friendship, though that is a massively important part.
it’s revealing right? there’s so much they genuinely do not understand or misinterpret it’s amazing they can get through the day without having yet another crisis about how someone they don’t like gets human rights or does something they think their god doesn’t approve of.
So I grew up homeschooled with a conservative Christian mother. A lot of people I knew got married from the same small group of families, right after high school, and started having kids right after. (I know 2 sisters from one family that married 2 brothers from another). It’s what everyone did. Nobody gave themselves any time to meet new people, just married someone their age and the opposite sex they’d grown up with. Also, nobody had sex or lived with one another prior to getting married so you don’t really know who you’re marrying. But when you’re taught from an early age that people of the “world” are misguided and will never understand you, that’s what you get. I didn’t fall into this, but my brother did.
Ever heard of shotgun marriages?
No, probably cuz I’m not in the worst part of the world or the web
If you’d like to elaborate? If not that’s fine too
I am familiar with the term. However they are usually for religious reasons. The notion that one must marry due to pregnancy is arbitrary.
I wouldn’t say it’s normal, I think that’s just cope from people who’re scared of being alone or can’t afford to live separate.
I think societal pressure also contributes. Not as common today but it’s definitely still a thing.
I don’t think it’s all that complicated to consider platonic and romantic relationships different
It’s easy and common for the sparks to die down after 15, 20 years and you’re left basically living with someone who feels like an acquaintance. It’s a trope for a reason.
BTW there’s nothing wrong with that. Most people are mature enough by then to make it work.
Tell that to every person who has been married for 40+ years and is still madly in love with their spouse. It’s very common.
I’m sure it is.
Shit, I’ve been with my wife for 16 years (married for 1), sparks are still strong AF. Does the timer start when you get together or when you get married?
No I think they just haven’t experienced that great of relationships, wild guess
As the joke goes:
Baby, this relationship is so good I want to get the government involved!!!
However I really feel that marriage is a vestige of the patriarchy and shouldn’t exist.
Yes, people should not get together at all, we should be territorial, like lions.
Not sarcastic or satiric.
Historically marriage used to be a legal relationship for the purpose of discussing who takes care of the children. Children are really expensive and if it isn’t cleared uo who’s responsible for them, you end up with a situation where nobody seems responsible for them and the children suffer. To prevent that situation, marriage was introduced.
I learned at my local humane society that when it was established it was for looking after unwanted children because children were considered chattel. I think marriage was a business transaction, at least in western cultures.
Marriage was the sale of goods in trade for goods or a further trading relationship.
The goods were a woman and a dowry, the trade was two families having a long term business relationship or if it was royalty then a short or long term peace treaty between countries or fiefdoms.
Likely the discussion of children in case of rich families and royalty back in the day, was how many wet nurses and maids were needed to take care of the children so they could be not seen and not heard until they were adults.
That might be true if both families are wealthy enough for one to have a dowry to give and the other relationships worth giving a dowry for. That would not be 99% of people.
Marriage was actually imposed by society. It was a way to communicate that you are responsible enough to bring a child into the world, instead of creating another fatherless child who would become an economic liability for the entire village and likely grow to become a criminal, if not starved in the cold before then.
Before society developed the economics to at least partially take care of fatherless children, the entire village would rightly bash your head in if they found you were having sex without being married. Because society tends to dislike starving children.
Society could only take care of so many orphans. In rural areas they might have no institutions for that. Even one orphan or unwed mother could be an impossible problem. But they could reduce the orphan load 10:1 if they simply threaten the people creating the problem.
I doubt this is true. They probably had more to do with binding households together than any consideration of the well being of anyone involved. Our modern concept of raising children past the age of 6 isn’t even that old.
You still have to raise them to 6 though? And also yeah, binding households together is a significant thing, mostly among nobility. for commoners, that’s not such a big topic, as there’s no “political alliances” to be made.
“My marriage is better than yours” <= usually people who feel like shit and see no way out.
Proooooojectiooooooon
You don’t gotta tell on yourself like that, ma’am.
Marriage is really about tax filing and its propaganda from the sex and chocolate industries to say otherwise.
I love my wife very much that’s why I want to do intimate things together like fill out form 1040 while cuddling.
Mmm yes 👅💦sexy fill 🪣💦me with dat💯💶 1040 😩🥵de IWS is gonna go aftew🕵️🥷🏿me ooo myaaah fill up that A💥3️⃣8️⃣ daddy 🫦🥵🥺she taxin on my 冰淇凌🍦til i whip out my gock 🍆🌊 an dey bussy🍑 snap, it till i wack wack and we smash ouw🍒 tidddies togeddew 👅👅me luv MAWWIAGE😤 only CHWISTIAN ALLOWED ✝️;;; ouw chwilden will PWAY 🙏🧎 to de OWNLY TWUE BANNER🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️⚧️WHICH WE STAND FOW… aww gay wives mattew 😹💪
What the fuck
I don’t want eyes anymore, thanks mate
Thank you, now I know what having a stroke must feel like.
Oh yeah, conservative christians like to stroke.
what a terrible day to have eyes
I both hate it and love it. Lmao
This is what conservatives see when a guy has long hair.
I got married and it doesn’t come with any tax benefits 😭
as opposed to real marriage where yo have two people who don’t get along and don’t get each other off
I’ve seen so many of these - couples who viciously hate each other yet ‘don’t believe in divorce’
Well there’s also romantic attraction. I know some aros who would love to fuck their best friend without any romance, but alloromantics tend to dislike that because they go and fall in love. Romantic love.
Also aces who go falling in love without wanting sex.
This is me I think. My most long lasting relationship was basically me and my best friend hanging out, living together, and having sex. I loved her a lot but looking back I don’t think it was ever quite in the way she wanted me to. We talked about marriage but it never really sat right with me. It’s been hard to accept that I might be aro. When I think about it too much I just feel sad because I’m afraid the kind of relationship I really want is impossible. Best friends who bang. I don’t want the exclusivity, expectations, or implicit sense of ownership of a romantic relationship. I value my autonomy way too much for that to feel anything but suffocating. I want to just choose to be with my besties every day and oops 30 years have gone by and we’re still together vibing and fucking.
Sounds like what you might want is polyamory
I myself relate to what you’re saying a lot, with the exception of also wanting/having romantic feelings. I just don’t vibe with all that’s involved with monogamy
I mean yeah but not really. Poly is still about romantic relationships and still has a sense of hierarchy. Romantic relationships are still very much prioritized over other relationships, they just add extra layers of romantic hierarchy. Many poly people end up with one primary partner they prioritize over others, with secondary partners needs usually being overridden by the primary partners needs almost by default. It still feels just as exclusive and gross to me. I want multiple sex partners but I don’t want anything to do with someone who thinks they get a say in how I spend my time or with who.
There are many flavors of poly, you sound like you fall into relationship anarchism/solo poly, which is pretty much what I practice, as that’s what appeals the most to me.
I don’t want to have a say in what my partner(s) can or cannot do, it doesn’t feel right to me. I want them to spend time with me because that’s what they want to do, and it’s not appealing to me to essentially make decisions for them. I don’t want to make rules and essentially establish any form for power or control over my partner(s). Maybe it comes naturally to me as I’m already an anarchist politically, I dunno, but either way
It’s about finding the right people that suit you, really, I think
Honestly, kinda the most wholesome way of describing the perfect aromantic relationship. I’m ace and deeply romantic, so it can feel hard to relate to what you describe. But I can respect it.
Appreciate the sentiment and agree with most other comments here.
Even though most people view it emotionally or under whatever religious pseudo authority, marriage is explicitly a contractual relationship similar to a business partnership. That contract creates specific financial and other obligations, liabilities, and privileges that you agree will be overseen by an authority that is in most cases a family court with incredible latitude to make determinations that heavily effect your life and that of your marriage/business partner. So, maybe take it at least as seriously as you would starting a new business with someone.
tbf, I’d rather be good friends with a business partner too. Even if we ended up falling out, at least I’d understand them well and be better able to understand their decisions.
I have a feeling this person might not be as confident about their sexuality as they are about married life…
This is some real talk!
Marriage isn’t committing to have sex with the other. Rape in marriage has been illegal for around 30 years. To me a marriage means committing to a partnership. This reductionist view feels harmful.
Committing doesn’t overrule consent, nor does it inhibit your choice to change your mind. I agree marriage doesn’t give either partner a “right” to sex but neither does it give a “right” to a partnership.
I’m being a pedant, i assume you meant to use “committing” in two different senses there: agreeing while maintaining agency vs. agreeing and foregoing agency. The earlier comments could be interpreted using either sense to get a different meaning, and i think the former was intended.
For me marriage is just the formalisation of a relationship.
Same with a civil union.
I see it two separate concepts. One is a celebration of the relationship you have which can be secular or religious but involves a ceremony. The other is a change in legal status.
Personally i don’t see a marriage/union as more or less valid, formal, or dedicated than a long term relationship without that process.
You are right. The former was intended.
