Radio: “And here are the results of the Bundesliga games: SC Freiburg - Werder Bremen 2:1. Borussia Dortmund - 1860 M?nchen 1:3. Bayer Leverkusen loses against FC Bayern München 0:3. All three goals were scored by Mehmet Scholl…”

Stephan: Mehmet is pretty hot at the moment, eh? …Mehmet…hot.

Kai: No no, Mehmet is not hot, Mehmet is glowing. They are thinking about coating the stadium with teflon so that he won’t stick.

Stephan: I think Mehmet is the only guy in the world… that I’d give a blow job.

Kai: Seriously

Stephan: Mehmet has style, and he looks handsome… good legs, good body, good face…

Kai: I’m not saying that you won’t do it, but… maybe Mehmet Scholl wouldn’t be the only guy that you’d give a blowjob.

Stephan: What? No, don’t get me wrong… I’d never suck anybodies dick. I’m only saying if… if then only Mehmet.

Kai: Ok, alright. Imagine you’d really give him a blowjob. And imagine his dick is really good. You’d do it one, twice, three, four, five,… probably ten times… but at the 11th time you’d hear this slight knocking… in your head… from the inside… and you know why?

Stephan: You’ll tell me.

Kai: Yea I’ll tell you. Because in your head lives a little man,… who knocks against your skull from the inside… harder and harder and harder. Until it sounds as if he’s hammering “BAM BAM”… against your synapses. And when you raise your head between Mehmets legs for the 20th time… then you’ll start listening to the little man… You’d listen, and you know what he says?

Stephan: What?

Kai: He’d say: “Stefan, listen Mehmets dick is pretty good,… but are you sure that it’s really the best?” Yea, you laugh. Aren’t there much better…nicer and bigger dicks in the world?" And you’d think, and at some point you’d do it… you’d suck them all. … you’d suck the big, the small, the yellow, the black, the green, the red…

Stephan: Yea I got it!

Kai: Ok, alright. Then you’d suck them all, always searching for the ultimate dick. Going from one dick to another.vBut the reason is not that you like sucking dick, the reason is a different one, you know it? The reason is the little man living in your head… the little “I’m never satisfied” man lives in your head… cause you’re never happy with what you have, or what you’re doing.

Stephan: Awesome theory.

Kai: Yea it’s a fact. With Jenny you can’t smoke pot, with Gina you can’t fuck… when we’re sitting in the pizzeria you should be studying. When we’re together getting stoned you always think about your studies. The little “I’m never satisfied” man is sitting in your head… and therefore Mehmet Scholls’ dick would never be the only one you’d suck.

Stephan: Awesome thanks.

Kai: You’re welcome

Stephan: You know sometimes I think… if I really would have done my beach cafe… and everything would have gone excellent… sun, beach, my own existence… But then if you realize that you’re still not happy. That would be horrible. So it’s nice having an excuse for not being happy.

Kai: Yea it’s also good to have an excuse for sucking dick.

-Lammbock 2001