Lemmy.ca
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • Create Community
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
ZeroCool to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 3 days ago

RFK Jr. Announces Plans to Live Forever After Stuffing His Holes with Silica Gel Packets

thehardtimes.net

external-link
message-square
11
link
fedilink
452
external-link

RFK Jr. Announces Plans to Live Forever After Stuffing His Holes with Silica Gel Packets

thehardtimes.net

ZeroCool to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 3 days ago
message-square
11
link
fedilink
Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today declared his plans to live for eternity after stuffing his orifices with silica gel packets.
alert-triangle
You must log in or # to comment.
  • jonathan7luke@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    53
    ·
    3 days ago

    Looking forward to seeing this exact headline on NotTheOnion in a few months.

    • FuckFascism@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      2 days ago

      Glad I wasn’t the only one.

  • Øπ3ŕ@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    2 days ago

    …wish a motherfucker would.

  • Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    3 days ago

    You have to check for the onion now.

    In the before before time we didn’t have empty ball sacks in charge of aspirin. Even less the FDA.

  • Array5981@lemmynsfw.com
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    14
    ·
    3 days ago

    Ya gotta be careful in today’s world. I half read the title and assumed it was real. Almost ate the onion on this one

  • Pringles@sopuli.xyz
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    4
    ·
    2 days ago

    Since the ivermectin didn’t kill him, can we push the narrative that injecting a gram of botox will make him live a lot longer?

  • tal@lemmy.today
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    3 days ago

    IIRC, silica gel beads enlarge when they absorb water.

    • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      3 days ago

      I think that’s the plan, lol

  • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    2
    ·
    2 days ago

    Bing!-wait, satire? Dammit I was gonna win

  • massive_bereavement@fedia.io
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    3 days ago

    A Fool proof strategy.

  • Zephorah@discuss.online
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    2
    ·
    3 days ago

    https://youtu.be/ChgIkbg0x80

The Onion@midwest.social

theonion@midwest.social

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: [email protected]

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

  • The Onion
  • Clickhole
  • McSweeney’s
  • Reductress
  • The Chaser
  • The Hard Times
    • The Hard Drive
  • The Needling
  • Tattletale Times
  • The Beaverton
Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 638 users / day
  • 1.99K users / week
  • 4.29K users / month
  • 12.2K users / 6 months
  • 209 local subscribers
  • 6.4K subscribers
  • 1.52K Posts
  • 18.6K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • seahorse [Ohio]@midwest.social
  • pbrisgreat@midwest.social
  • BE: 0.19.12
  • Modlog
  • Legal
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org