when I think of the word “fetish” I’m thinking about people who are into feet, bdsm, femdom, cuckolding or MDLB. Not someone who just finds X ethnicity more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Nobody for example is going to say to a white man that he has a white girl fetish simply because he finds white women more attractive on average than any other ethnicity. Because it’s completely understandable that most people prefer to date with their own ethnicity. But the minute that white man finds a black women more attractive on average suddenly that’s fetishization. It’s completely ridiculous.
My understanding of fetishizing is that it has little to nothing to do with physical characteristics, but is instead determined by stereotyping.
Saying you have a preference, even a strong preference, for physical traits that are more often, or even exclusively, found in a certain group is simply what you’re attracted to. Saying you prefer partners from “X” group because (insert list of stereotypes) is fetishizing.
For one example, consider the language that incels and people looking for “trad” partners use. They talk about preferring certain ethnic groups because they think all women from those groups are submissive, more feminine, adhere to traditional gender roles, etc., that’s fetishizing.
Those kind of fuckers would get a mail order bride just to fit the niche too.
I think its one of those spectrum things. Preference <—> Fetish.
If you are interested in the person as well as the attribute, its probably more on the preference end, but if all you care about is the attribute, that’s when it strays into fetishisation?
Also matters how you express the preference. If your tinder profile says “women of colour only”, thats gonna come across more creepy than if you left that out, and just matched with whoever you found attractive.
I like your explanation. I think its like anything else. Is it a fetish to be a boob man or a but man or to like them big or small? To like athletic or lavashish? I think it comes down to how absolute it is. Its like on the ones side its hey I prefer so your sorta gonna get some points for features I like and on the other is like I will only date people who are or have X or something.
It’s only a fetish if it becomes the primary (or only) source of arousal. Having preferences isn’t a fetish. I am pansexual, but lean more toward preferring men. This does not mean I fetishize men.
Once someone explained it to me like i was a baby: If you see a picture and you like nothing about jt except for that one thing, then it’s a fetish.
I always had a thing for certain traits and features often associated with Asian women (no, not the Hollywood kind of Asian women). It doesn’t mean I 'm looking at Asian women with lust in my eyes nor that those traits are exclusive to ‘Asian women’… whatever that means. I mean, I’m French and there is no such thing as a French woman or man.
For me, it just means that very early on (aka, I was still a little boy) I felt more attracted to those traits than to others and I could find them more frequently associated with ‘Asian women’. Where does this attraction comes from? No idea, it just is.
And in case anyone is wondering, nope my spouse is not Asian and we’ve been doing fine for the 25 years and counting we’ve been together ;)
X is an ethnicity? What the fuck is wrong with Elon Musk?
What the fuck is wrong with Elon Musk?
The list would be long ;)
Also a very specific lab-made meme genotype and a line of candles from Bath and Body Works
I think part of the problem is the use of terms that are so broad that it becomes racist.
Let’s say you are an american with irish roots. You are “white” but you are not the same “white” as an american with Finnish roots. If you were to say that you are attracted to black women, what does that mean? Does it mean you are attracted to dark skin? How dark? South sudan dark or namibia dark? Are you talking about facial features? Body shapes?
Point is, saying that you are attracted to black women is a sign that what you actually mean is that you have an idea in your head of what features “black” women have and then assuming that it is true for all black women, which is racist.
i think an American whose family came from Ireland and an American whose family came from Finland are both white, in the same way. culture and ‘race’ are completely separate, Americans fetishise their whiteness.
I don’t know if I’d be so quick to jump to racism for that. I think most people see an attractive person and think “damn, they’re hot”. If after a while they find themselves thinking this about a particular group more than others they’ll start thinking they have a thing for that group.
I think it’s creepy when people get super specific about the range of skin tone, nose, eye shape, hair texture, etc. that they like. When someone has a detailed list like that I find it objectifying, like they’re selecting options on a car (or sex doll).
Maybe the person in your example does have a thing for Namibian women. But unless they asked invasive questions about every striking woman they encounter I don’t think they’d ever realize it unless they’re from the region.
Add to that the specific example of someone from the U.S. where ancestry can be mixed and uncertain. The person from your example might think they’ve died and gone to heaven if they ever visit Namibia but walking around an American city I think they can forgiven for just thinking they like black women.
No, that’s not a fetish.
People only call that a fetish because of ingrained racism.
They think interracial dating is somehow abnormal or unnatural, which is how they land on the term “fetish”.
I.E. someone is telling on themselves when they suggest that interracial dating is a fetish.
If the race is a must, then yes. If the race is a preference, then no.
Well I’m Latino so I only date Latinas simply because it’s way easier for me to get along with them due to me and her sharing the same culture, the same language, the same values.
I can’t date white women, black women, Indian women and east Asian because they all have different cultures, speak different languages and have different values than me.
“Can’t”? Lots of people do. Although she was white, I lived with a German girl, in Germany, for two years. I barely spoke German, and she barely spoke English, when we met. And, despite what you might think, there are significant cultural differences between Americans and Germans.
“Can’t” probably isn’t the word you’re looking for. “Don’t want to” is more accurate.
I really want to date east asian girls, but my wife won’t let me :(
If you get more wives, you can persuade them to vote for you and cancel out her vote.
i love democracy meme
I would call that a strong preference. Sounds like you don’t have anything in particular about it other than convenience. I mean people are like that with religion. I only want to date my faith because otherwise there will be to many complications type thing.
As long as both parties have knowledgeable consent, then what does the label really matter? You like what you like(legally speaking). The only people who should feel ashamed of what they’re into are furries. Filthy things…
(I kid, but only just.)
Because we are the wolf we feed, or the monster - if we lean into fetishizing entire races, we justify that behavior and reenforce it, normalizing reducing an immutable trait into a sexual characteristic. Vs thinking “hey maybe I shouldn’t be spending all my time looking at only BBC-worship photos because it fucks up the way I treat black men” etc (to use one that comes up in the gay community a lot).
I am of the mind that it’s not healthy to be ashamed or upset by what turns us on, but that we shouldn’t intentionally try to get problematic with it either, as sex can get compulsive pretty quick. So don’t fetishize races.
My only 2 serious dating relationships were with Asian women. I don’t really have my own social circle, so theirs became mine.
My best friend is from Vietnam/Cambodia, my other friends are her family and social circle.
To people looking at me from the outside, it looks like I have a preference or even fetish for Asian people. But for me that’s simply not true. My friends happen to be Asian, my past dating life happened to be with Asian women. But that doesn’t define me. Though, due to the stereotype of the White man with “yellow fever”, it would seem that it were so. I don’t give a fuck what people think, so it does not affect me.
I don’t date women anymore, and have only had encounters with Black and White men. It’s just how things have gone, which is fine with me; I go with the flow.
To have a preference for a certain race or ethnicity is not problematic. To have a dating profile that says “X’s only”, is a red flag at best. I’d avoid anyone who says “White Trans Only”. Even though that is who I am, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who sees me as less than a person and more of an object for their desires. Life is too short to limit oneself to only a certain type of person, whether it be race, ethnicity, or other immutable trait. I’d like to think that my future mate will like me for my personality and lived experiences. If they happen to also like me because of what I look like, that’s fine too.
Perfectly reasonable to be attracted to physical traits or customs (clothes, hairstyle, body modifications) that are typical for a particular culture or ethnicity.
The problems start when attraction is contingent on belonging to a particular ethnicity.
I think it is a fetish when it becomes the central and most important part of sexual attraction. If I as a Latino only see attractive, let’s say, Asians women, and I only focus on Asians women and I’m only looking to date Asians women, I’m ferichizing them.
(And just in case, no, I don’t have an obsession with Asians women. I find Latinas and Black women more attractive).
Maybe, but I’ll tell you something. I never had much attraction to a race different than mine. However, I ended up living in another country for three years for work and over time developed a real attraction to a different race. I’ll say I was even more attracted to them than my own. I especially noticed this for a few months after returning to my own country. After a few years of being home, though I’ll say I have mostly reverted my preferences.
I guess it just showed me that attraction can be very situational and likely the more prevalent race in a country often set the beauty standards.
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