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If I flip the pizzas, Mr. Aziz will flip out!
Where was he carrying that Coke?
That’s none of your business, Sam.
Just tap on the side before you open it. Bottles or cans, every time. Just make it a habit any time you’re opening something: tap, tap, open.
I fear no pop.
Greatest legal mind I ever knew
The pizza delivery missions in Spider-Man 2 required you not to do too many flips or it would fail the mission
this is why spider-man 2 is the greatest super hero game of all time
that and bruce campbell’s game tips
[PIZZA DELIVERY THEME]
How can the toppings so perfectly stay on the pizza after being shook like this?
I have a nice recipe for this! I got it straight from Google AI overview. All you need is glue…
Angular momentum
I can’t read those words and not think of classic Simpsons.
Story time!
I used to work doing delivery for Dominos, in the early Paleolithic before all of these damn app based food delivery schemes existed. Or, in fact, not only before you could get reliable maps on your smartphone, but before most people knew what a smartphone was.
Our store’s delivery service area included the city in which we were based and a significant fraction of the countryside it was nestled in. We’re talking, you go from blocks of rowhomes on numbered streets, 3rd Ave, 4th Ave, etc. and a quarter mile up the road all of the sudden you can only see four houses before the horizon and every mailbox seems to skip about 300 numbers.
So TL;DR: I wound up with a delivery out in the hinterlands to a place that I thought was on a little side road off of the main rural road out here, but actually turned out to be a sub-lot that was accessed by the main road itself, not the side street, and I guess the post office was just drunk when they handed out the house number. Whatever, says I, I am already parked here, it is a nice summer night, and it is but a short 50 yard trudge across the fallow field in between.
Which had a ditch in it.
Which I did not see.
Because some turkey had weed-whacked the tall grass in it to appear superficially at the exact same overall height as the surrounding level ground, possibly as a gag.
Well, down I went and in deference to not landing on the pizza I twisted around and wound up flat on my back in the grass, with the pizza bag and its contents on top of me, clutched to my chest. Upside down.
I thought for sure this was going to be a drive back to the restaurant for a remake, but I found by the light of my little flashlight that the pizza was perfectly intact, all toppings and cheese in place, and quite resolutely glued to the bottom of the box. Nobody would ever know.
…I stopped eating the pizza from work at that point.
I delivered in Wisconsin during the winter. Walked up some dude’s unsalted, fully iced walkway and my feet went out from under me and the pizza bag went up in the air. By some miracle, I landed on my feet and the bag landed in my hands. Asshole didn’t tip. I hope all the cheese was stuck to the top of the box.
I thought I knew preparedness and the general Boy Scout Way up until I started making a living as a delivery driver. I started keeping my Microspikes in my car precisely for this purpose. And a lot of other junk as well.
One of my favorite customer interactions (among many, and I am using “favorite” in the same way that Dwarf Fortress players use the word “Fun”) was during one particularly nasty blizzard during which a statewide state of emergency had been declared, I had a customer call and the following exchange happned:
“Yeah, I heard they lockin’ people up for being out on the road, so I need y’all to bring me [pizza] so I don’t get locked up.”
“So… You’re telling me it’s okay with you if one of my drivers gets ‘locked up’ instead?”
They hung up on me. (And for the record, no one was getting “locked up.” If the cops had to come yank your dumb ass out of a ditch, however, you were probably getting a fat ticket.)
That sounds like around the time domino’s decided that pizza should taste like cardboard
“Here’s your Diet Coke and Mentos, sir.”
I actually did this to a customer once. I would say I’m not proud of this, but that would be a lie. I’m still just chuffed to bits over it, and this was easily 15 years ago or more.
The background behind this one was somebody ordered food plus a two liter Pepsi. About two hours after I made the delivery this customer called the restaurant up and gave us a raft of shit about how we delivered her a regular Pepsi and we “should have known” that she was diabetic and can’t drink no regular Pepsi, and she could have died, and we’re all stupid motherfuckers, and we need to bring her back a Diet Pepsi right now or she’ll sue and then She’s Never Ordering From Us Again.
Her ticket quite clearly said regular Pepsi. Our calls were recorded; I pulled the call audio and she did indeed order a regular Pepsi and didn’t say jack monkey squat about diet. Obviously I was not able to confirm this while I was on the phone with her, but it was nice to be vindicated. I told her we’d send somebody out anyway to switch her bottle for a Diet Pepsi if it would make her so goddamn happy, but she’d have to give back the regular one – unopened. This prompted her to cuss me out again. She said she didn’t want to deal with our “dumb asses” anymore plus now it was “late” (well, you’re the one who waited two hours to complain, lady) so she would put the wrong one outside and we could just leave the right one on the porch.
Of course I got out there and the two liter bottle of Pepsi she “couldn’t” drink was mostly empty, sitting there on the porch steps as bold as brass.
Fair enough; I carefully slipped the anti-tamper ring and cap off of my fresh bottle of Diet Pepsi with the tip of my knife, smashed a Mentos flat so that it rested snugly in the cap, screwed it back on, and stuck it upside down between her door and screen door, rang the doorbell, and left.
I have absolutely no idea what happened with that bottle and I don’t care, but I can tell you didn’t go off bang anywhere I could see or hear it before I scarpered. And she never called back. You don’t get nothing but trouble from the Deliverator.
(And yes, she did continue to order from us. Most people who threatened us with Never Ordering From Us Again did not follow through.)
Fair enough; I carefully slipped the anti-tamper ring and cap off of my fresh bottle of Diet Pepsi with the tip of my knife, smashed a Mentos flat so that it rested snugly in the cap, screwed it back on, and stuck it upside down between her door and screen door, rang the doorbell, and left.
Please don’t actually tamper with stuff like that.
You should’ve just put it near the car’s heater turned up all the way, then violently shake it before leaving it at the door, and if theres a storm door that opens outwards, put it directly next to the door, so when they open it, it gets knocked over.
Actually tampering with the contents is crossing a line, and is also illegal (whereas just shaking the soda and heating it up is still legal)
Thanks for the morning read.
beetlemoses is a genius
Is this OC ?
no
its by beetlemoses
Ok, ty !
