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Also please reroute the food pipe to not use the air pipe
They are forgetting that TERRIBLE design choice where if you accidentally bite the inside of your cheek it swells up making it easier to bite it on accident again and again.
You’re just supposed to bite that bit off. Otherwise it’s just going to keep happening.
Instructions unclear, but I can now drink through a straw without opening my mouth
There’s also the weird decision to put a bunch of easily-bruised bones in your butt which would normally be used for a tail.
I once had a creationist defend the coccyx as being necessary for keeping muscles together. That was fun.
on accident
Rather than by purpose? #54%
I’m a masochist but I have my limits. Lol
I think they’re calling you out on saying “on accident” rather than “by accident”
Are both not acceptable ways of typing that out? I know I’m bad at punctuation, grammar and spelling, but I thought you could say you did something on accident or by accident interchangeably.
Nope, it’s just by accident. Must be a certain demographic that seems to have fallen into the habit of saying it as I never hear people use “on” in real life.
https://www.juliatomiak.com/grammar-check-on-accident-vs-by-accident/
Apparently “on accident” has been gaining usage and “by accident” is generally used by the older generations.
I’m 93 so I don’t know where I picked up “on accident” but until this day I haven’t had anyone say anything. How interesting.
Must be just an American thing? I never hear anyone say it here!
Also, could you be on of Lemmy’s oldest users?!
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separated genetalia from waste systems
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removed body hair and baldness
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fixed acne glitch
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added ability to change biological sex, with default neutral configuration
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rerouted laryngeal nerve
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uterus lining is now reabsorbed automatically
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reinforced spine and knees
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simplified foot structure
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adjusted mental pathways to better adapt to modern environment
I’d like to be able to alter body hair density based on climate.
added ability to change biological sex
PLEASE
Remove hangovers
i’m not sure i want to know what the first point would look like, moving either the genitals or the anus sounds horrifying, and i especially don’t want to imagine where penis wielders would urinate or ejaculate from if those functions are separated…
…perhaps we’d do like octopi, reach under and fetch a sperm package that we present instead of a wedding ring? Or maybe let’s just leave it like it is and not create horrors.
Just have us piss from asshole
Birds had it right all along with one waste exit.
I do that already :(
Stop eating whatever is messing with your guts
Eat some banana
Are bananas known to help that or something?? I try to eat enough veggies but it still happens. Weirdly sometimes when I eat less veggies it sometimes gets better (but it also sometimes gets worse).
Honestly not sure, but I remember grandma giving me eat banana when I had wet poop to supposedly help
Ur an alcoholic
Edit: or maybe a vegan, idk. I’m an alcoholic so I calls em like I sees em
Since you mentioned that, we should add a auto-sober switch. Suspend drunk button for drive home. Resume until bed, clear drunk as soon as you pass out so you can get a good nights rest.
My GI tract unfortunately just hates me I think!
Turn standing while peeing into an actual skill.
Tfw you accidentally poop in urinal
I like baldness and body hair! They should be optional too
Smooth on top, rugged in the middle
For some reason when I read this I read “Reticulating Splines” instead of reinforced spines. I was like wow random sims reference.
What’s the laryngeal nerve and what’s wrong with it?
Iirc it goes down your neck, makes a 180 around an artery at the height of the breasts and goes up your neck again.
Let’s also reroute the ulnar nerve, thx
Reabsorption of uterine lining is called being “in heat” in dogs and cats. It’s quite common in the animal world, and it makes all the males very rapey.
One of the prevailing theories about why humans pair bond is our males can’t tell when our females are ovulating/menstruating so it’s advantageous to be kinder and stick around for more sex.
TL;DR: I think that’s not a great idea.
Interesting, didn’t know those two things were linked.
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I want my prehensile tail back, not this vestigial piece of SHIT!
How do you picture it? Like a spider monkey, a fox, or like one of those hippopotamus’s who helicopter chops their shit everywhere?
One sounds useful, one sounds cute, one sounds like your asserting dominance over unexpecting persons waiting in queue
I feel like different races would have different tails based on what’s most useful to their environment.
Humans do bioluminisce, it’s just too weak for human eyes and most detectors.
TIL
Thanks for the link! This is really awesome.Thank you, I came here to say the same thing. The problem isn’t that we don’t glow, it’s the fact that our eyes suck.
Also you are a flying squid and not a glowing squid, so its no wonder that we/you don’t glow.
I speak as a human when I wear my human costume. That’s exactly why I have this shirt:
Lol
Don’t we have some of the best eyes in the entire animal kingdom except for birds?
We have blood vessels in front of our visual sensors. Squid and octopuses have better designed eyes.
I don’t know how we compare in visual acuity to them, but they don’t need to fake as much of their visual field as we do
“Best eyes”
Adjusts glasses
Not good enough obviously.
A lot of Bioluminiscence, but Infrared light as almost in any living be, which we can’t see without special devices.
Structural weakness not only in the lower back, but also in the knees. The human being still has many reminists of an quadruped, as one of the younger species. He still has a way to be optimized as bipedo. Lower back and knees are still not optimized for this, apart of some other static and organic problems. We are still in phase beta.
A lot of Bioluminiscence, but Infrared light as almost in any living be, which we can’t see without special devices.
It’s different from the blackbody radiation that body heat produces.
Structural weakness not only in the lower back, but also in the knees. The human being still has many reminists of an quadruped, as one of the younger species. He still has a way to be optimized as bipedo. Lower back and knees are still not optimized for this, apart of some other static and organic problems. We are still in phase beta.
Evolution doesn’t follow the rules of intelligent design anyhow. If they did, we would all be crabs.
Infrarojo is different from light visible only by wavelength and energy.
Nothing to do with intelligent design, evolution is a self -regulating process due to environmental conditions. Given that the life of a human being is relatively long, naturally last generational evolutionary changes in a very complex organism, due to viable positive genetic variations, where a 99.99% is not, much longer until optimization. Somewhat more than 2 millon years isn’t enough for this, less with continuous changes in the environment and conditions. Simple organism with a short life cycle can optimize in days, but complex organism like humans can’t. Other beings have needed hundreds of millions of years for a perfect body, but with the price of already have the veto of evolving more. After perfection there can only be decay.
deleted by creator
We need to have some process engineers look at the pregnancy and birthing process, there’s much room for improvement. Maybe take a totally new approach to it, it’s just not it.
The engineer solution: back to egg laying, which also fixes menstruation
Just divide at a cellular level, nature has already solved this problem! Upstart life forms these days thinking they can reinvent the wheel.
Agreed, that shits rough on people. Impacts of teeth and post-partum. Yet a funny thing there is that we can tell you down to the day you were impregnated by the growth of the fetus.
Next person. Sir drink this stuff to make you shit your brains out and I’m going to shove my finger in your ass to see if we can get a scope of what your insides are like.
-cartilage in joints can regenerate
-body can synthesize its own vitamin c
Other species already do these things smh.
We used to do the vitamin c but then were like its too easy to get elsewhere why bother.
- Eating and breathing pathways no longer intersect. This should prevent the bug when food could block the airway and result in death.
Yeah, it’s crazy to me that people believe we were “intelligently designed” when our food hole and breathing hole are so close that we can only use one at a time, and that our waste dumping grounds are right next to the amusement park.
you mean the slightly more muddy amusment park, that is next to the new, purprose built one, right?
This is actually a result of changes to our larynx and stuff, which allows us to make such a variety of sounds when speaking. In other animals (and human babies), the air and food tubes are physically separated at rest. But in humans, our epiglottis can’t properly keep things separate because our larynx is further down in our throat.
So, I’m gonna have to deny this request on the grounds that it will necessarily break the speech feature, which many of our users depend on heavily.
Wasn’t this a compromise that allows speech? Babies can drink and breathe at the same time.
I remember reading humans can still “breathe” amniotic fluid once they get passed the gag reflex. I remember wondering how someone figured that out… Maybe it’s just a theory
“left user note to pause breathing while swallowing to prevent esophageal trespass when backup breathing interface used for food consumption. No change recommended to emergency breathing access. Closing DOC_UPDATE”
- regrow hair cells to mitigate hearing loss
- (optional) eternal life and youth
Eternal life is p2w coming with season pass
These days it ain’t looking like a bunch of us ought to live forever.
- Suffocation sensation is now tied to a lack of oxygen instead of an abundance of carbon dioxide.
Would that fix our carbonmonoxide weakness?
It wouldn’t make carbon monoxide less poisonous to us, but depending on how sensitive the sensation of suffocation is made it would help us realize something is wrong and maybe even eliminate the need for carbon monoxide detectors.
Carbon monoxide isn’t only dangerous because it’s not oxygen, but because it disrupts our blood’s normal process of absorbing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide. My laymen understanding is that it sort of jams the door lol. As opposed to things like nitrogen which merely gets in the way but don’t disrupt the process.
Imagine if instead of getting a headache and feeling sleepy when carbon monoxide was in your body you started to feel like you were holding your breath too long.
CO binds to haemoglobin (the oxygen carriers in your blood) just like O^2, but a little stronger. Effectively each molecule of CO puts one haemoglobin out of action, making you less able to transport oxygen out of your lungs
How about add a process that uses energy to convert co2 back to oxygen to increase the amount of time we can go without, plus enable weight loss via holding one’s breath.
I’m trying to make reasonable patches, not change the laws if physics.
Plants have a mechanism like that. Surely there’s gotta be some chemical path that can take co2 plus some form of stored energy we use to break off the o2. I don’t expect it to be efficient. Just useful in scenarios where oxygen is needed now, otherwise that stored energy is useless in the future.
The issue is, plants do that by combining water and CO2 into energetic compounds, with an oxygen byproduct - then they do the same our bodies do, which is breaking up those energetic compounds using oxygen to release the stored energy. And yes, plants consume oxygen and produce CO2 - they just do more of the opposite turning the excess into structural materials.
This requires a supply of energy in a form that can be consumed (laws of physics prevent you doing it by cooling your body down), so you’d need to, for example, receive enough energy from sunlight to match your energy consumption, and generating oxygen through that would actively make you fatter.
Oh, and as an addendum, we could maybe use less oxygen to break up those energetic compounds, similarly to how fuel can burn with reduced oxygen - but the fun thing about that is, that produces carbon monoxide, actual poison, so that’s also a no-go.
Can we also fix the depression glitch where happiness points aren’t collected and your brain energy bar depleats completely with no way of regeneration without hacking the brain with 3rd party tool antidepressants.
Exercice helps but 3rd party tool are often still needed.
They just need to eliminate diminishing returns that they introduced back in the beta.
2.0? Bruh, humans are still on pre-v1 beta
Frankly, I don’t know how anyone can look at the absolute shit show that is the human body and go “yup, this was totally intelligently designed”
Apparently a lot of males are still in alpha.
Alpha roll-out for an entire cohort is in-progress.
Unfortunately the alpha roll-out had a major unpached bug causing a complete internal breakdown of the ethics and intelligence processing units in all those updated.
Some hypothesis that as alpha men now have the processing capacity of an ant, they may soon evolve a hive-mind. As this would allow all mental processing to be outsourced to a singular fat orange queen.
Edit: spelling
ironically we may well have been the only somewhat intelligently designed animal for a long time, since there’s a pretty good argument that we’re self-domesticated.
so like, we’re not just a prerelease, we’re a fucking fork of a prerelease
Mosquitos are not humanity though.
I would have thought eating and breathing from the same hole would have been in this release 😞 guess I’ll just have to wait till 3.0
Wait, you can’t eat and breathe through the same hole?
Trouble is, you can’t not.
They should be dedicated holes for each process
Well, we do glow in infrared…
And radio waves!
And when the static electricity randomly ignites a long fart!
Once the fart leaves your body and glows, is it really you that’s glowing? We need some philosophers in here.
Yes, I know, it bothered me as I decided to even answer, that’s why I also added the ‘long’ bit (as to imply a continuous flame) to blur the inaccuracy … but what can I say, the mental image of humans just going about their business with a constant flame out their ass just won.
Still, you are completely correct.
I just wanted some philosophical discussion about whether a fart is still you once it is expelled.
Perhaps if the initial combustion is happening deep enough within ones asshole then the light that escapes though the flesh (and not the gaping hole directly) can be considered as bioluminescence?
Or does it need to originate from within the cells?
(I like the discission, we are scientists doing science.)
