You napkin heretics will be sorry when our paper towel messiah returns for the Great Cleansing.
Our Lord Moist Towelette shall come to wipe us all out at the time of the final purification
You fools have already forgotten how your moist towels and paper napkins all stem from greatest absorptive progenitor, the precursor to all imbibers, our most holy Rag!
I once got in trouble because I asked my mom how she knows Christianity is the correct religion, as I had been getting fascinated by dead religions.
The conversation was roughly
MoM: because the Bible is inspired by god, and it’s infallible.
Says who?
M: the people who wrote it.
The dozens of middle eastern men over hundreds of years? Most of whom never had contact with each other, and then many hundreds of years later a bunch of old white European dudes decided to put them in a specific order, and throw out a bunch of things they decided weren’t needed?
M: they were all guided by God.
So the entire belief in this is backed up by the fact that it says it’s telling the truth and we’re just supposed to take it at its word? What if another book was written that said IT’S the only real one and that you have to murder 5 people every day or you go to hell? How do you know which one is actually true and which one you just happened to grow up with?
At this point I was grounded. And told I should read the Bible while grounded. Of course by then I had already read it cover to cover, and wondered why the church I went to was giving these things to children given some passages are pretty graphic or explicit.
FIVE EVERY DAY! Sheesh, I’m well behind on my quota, I better catch up.
In my experience the “it was written by people who never met each other” doesn’t quite land because the retort is “well how did prophecy all line up then?” suggestive stare
I find it’s more useful to show Christians the weak point of the New Testament from their respective political view…
To left leaning:
Jesus told individuals to personally decide to give to the poor, he never instituted a state wide obligation, he never called for the church to force taxes from the unbelieving. He also condemned “porneia” (typically translated debauchery) which meant unlawful sex which at the time included homosexual acts.
To the right leaning:
Jesus said to turn the other cheek in the face of physical violence and threat. He said to surrender your possessions to anyone who asks and not expect it back (Luke 6:29-30). St Paul followed this saying it’s preferable to be cheated out of money rather than sue someone (1 Cor 6:7)
Point being. Neither the left or right “own” Jesus. Nor does anyone else attempting to live a modern western lifestyle. It’s incompatible. Jesus and his followers espoused radical self sacrifice. They believed the end was nigh. He said “give no thought for the morrow” because he didn’t believe there were many left.
Seems credible. I guess I’m converted. 🤷♀️
As foretold on the kitchen roll!!
It’s true because many people believe that the person who wrote it actually existed.
I am the true religion because I say so. Also I say napkin religion is fake. This is how we get crusades.
my napkin religion is better than yours. says so right on the napkin
