In all my years I’ve never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
“Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?”
Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y’all don’t know how to live
you can cut them you know?
That breaks the simulation.
“Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”
I mean… Yes. Yyes please
I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.
This is 4chan, though… I’m not shocked an incel would think this.
…and roasted garlic, pesto, and…
Yeah, my second to oldest daughter was visiting the other day and I offered her fresh sourdough toast and filtered chilled water, felt kind of funny like “here’s your bread and water” but it is a delicious snack.
Sourdough is sold in stores here, a loaf from Whole Foods was the reason I started baking again, that bread was so good but mine now is often even better. So maybe there is a big overlap between people who like fancy bread and people who make it? But even so - if you are making a soup and want bread with it, nobody is buying sliced white industrial sandwich bread for that, and I will occasionally ask my husband to pick up “fancy white bread - from the bakery section not the aisles.”
Agreed! I had a get together with a friend on Friday, and among our many wonderful snacks was a loaf of picante cheese bread from the bougie bakery owned by our employer. That shit slaps, and people deserve to experience the carb-rich glory.
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“Shit, man, shit shit shit.”
“Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What’s wrong?”
“It’s a customer, man.”
“Please tell me they didn’t take an orange from the bottom of the stack again.”
“No, no. Worse. So much worse. He’s buying the boule.”
“Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard.”
“No, man, I’m telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the ‘sourdough boule.’ He’s got it in his cart now.”
“…You’re serious.”
“Yes, man. He’s about to fucking buy the boule.”
“Shit, man. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. I- I don’t know. This has never happened before.”
“We have to alert them.”
“Them?”
“You know, them.”
“Wh- you mean the simulation people?”
“You got a better idea?”
“Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-”
“H-hello? Um… Sim- simulation people? Um-”
“What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-”
“Yes?”
“…”
“…”
“Steve… you… you heard that, ri-”
“I don’t have all day. What is it?”
“Shit, um.”
“Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-”
“Missus.”
“Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof… tinny an-”
“Look, we’ve got a problem. It’s one of the… simulated.”
“Mmm hmm?”
“He’s on his way to the checkout now.”
“And?”
“He’s buying the boule.”
“Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with.”
“Oh. Um. O…kay. Um. Thank yo-”
“Wait, how exactly will it be deal-”
This reads like They’re Made Out of Meat. It’s brilliant.
Thanks for the recommendation! Here’s the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
That was a fun read! Thanks for that
This American Life had H Jon Benjamin perform this, episode 803.
That sounds amazing
And a short film based on the story.
This is WBRC’s 9 o’clock news, I’m Ned Albertson.
Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.
idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
Are you watching their politics? This can’t be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that’s way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I’m afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some “bright” ideas over here. Guess I’ll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.
How we wish.
“we” as in the countries affected by their foreign policy?
That too.
Clinical insanity, that’s what it is.
Sheltered American…they can’t keep the bread on the shelves where I’m at
I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.
This is the way. Don’t let OP know about us.
I buy those baguettes and it would be lucky to make it home so I always buy two.
Mmmm especially when they are still warm.
boule shamed into a doughy closet
r/ShitAmericansSay
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Also their horrible sweet ass HFCS bread they think is normal
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Trailer people, really.
So you think you’ve found the hole of simulation and don’t even try to buy some to see if it is really a decoration? WTF bro
Omfg is this a marketing stunt by the baked goods industry to sell more bread?
This is what Lemmy has become. hailcorporate
I wouldn’t be surprised. All these chains are owned by Mega-corp, so they profit no matter what store you go to.
Many will walk up to edge, but few have the courage to see if they can fly.
You can’t even interact with these objects. You click ‘e’ and nothing happens. I tried, I tried.
Well, I surely tried to turn around fast enough to see wether there was sth. Behind me or not -when I was 14.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I’m offering is the truth – nothing more.”
“Wait… did you just eat both loaves at once??!”
I m French and in France we buy EVERY bread in a bakery .for real after 5pm you have basically nothing .
The French sure do love their
Sauf le pain aux raisins parce que c’est une abomination
Et la chocolatine parce que ça n’existe pas
Based on a year of French I took in middle school - you put raisins in bread?! Like sure, we have the dessert loaves of cinnamon raisin bread, but this is America - I thought y’all generally had better taste than us? Raisins in bread is an abomination.
Finally someone had the guts to say it. Seulement les psychopaths achète ça.
France has laws against throwing away food which makes them plan better. In Germany, the shelfs are full till the end so customers can choose. I think this is changing too but I’m not often in bakeries that late.
Same here, swiss.
I’m American (California) and the local bakery sells out daily too
It’s the same in the Netherlands, although our bread is shit.
That’s because we don’t put it in plastic. Who wants to buy soft (and apparently underbaked) bread? Apart from US people, I mean.
Ok but if you see sliced croissant loaf, fucking buy that shit, buy two, immediately. I don’t even like to shop any more at places where they don’t sell it.
disgusted French look of superiority
jkjk it looks like something terrible in a good way.
Cause it’s probably 3/4 butter.
Count me in.
The only issue I see with it is that since it’s wrapped in plastic it’s gonna be soft and rubbery instead of crunchy.
it’s gonna be soft and rubbery instead of crunchy
I don’t think croissants are supposed to be rubbery or crunchy, are they? “Flakey” is probably what you want.
Yeah flakey would be a better term altthough I’d still put it in the crunchy umbrella. Like flakey means the exterior is kinda crunchy.
Otoh don’t take me too seriously I like to dunk them in coffee or milk :p
Je suis venu faire mon français outré mais oublions OP deux minutes ? Qu’est-ce que c’est que ça ???!
C’est juste un gros croissant shapé comme une miche de pain
Tu penses qu’on peut faire tourbillonner correctement le feuilletage en maintenant ce genre de forme ?
Bonne question… Je suis curieux maintenant, je vais aller m’instruire!
Does this come in unsliced? Because cut that suckers down the middle perpendicular to the chopping board and you could make a giant toasted ham & cheese croissant slab
Mind blown!
you’re telling me that this guy saw something that he didn’t understand, but said piqued his curiosity, and instead of trying it to see what it’s like he goes straight to schizo posting about it on the Internet?
this is why trump is winning.
/b/ - Random
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
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Who?
the bread is real. what you arent seeing is the removal of the unsold products that are almost certainly being donated to homeless shelters and hog farmers, then replaced with fresh loaves the next day. there are fda rules in place to prevent leaving such products out more than a couple days.
are almost
certainly being donated to homeless sheltersbeing thrown away and people who are taking some are persecuted… and hog farmersfixed that for you :)
you fixed nothing maybe where you live thats how it works but here in tejas we follow food safety rules as well as donated unsold produce to our local foodbanks and shelters. if that isnt how your community works then i hope you get to experience it firsthand. i have and without those good folks deeds we wouldve starved to death a long time ago.
Have worked in grocery stores, it just gets thrown out. The level of food waste in the United States is legitimately stomach churning.
And not even just thrown out: it’s usually intentionally damaged so it can’t be eaten
Arizona it’s literally considered illegal to dumpster dive anywhere inside of a curb and yet they still also pour bleach on the tossed food at grocery stores to “dissuade” people.
So you can be arrested if you survive being poisoned.
HEB is the only native grocery store in Texas that matters, and they make sure they recover 95% of the food that isn’t fit for human consumption by getting it to farms and such. They also, separately, are involved in food bank and other human wellness activities, including running logistics for hurricane relief (as an example).
HEB is too good for Texas.
In France it is illegal to throw food out. It has to go to the homeless or those stores will get fined.
You do know most people don’t live in the US, right?
You can safely assume American when you see English and monstrous business behaviors. Aside from that I think the US makes up most of Lemmy traffic anyhow.
The commenter they were responding to literally mentioned the FDA. The US Federal Drug and Safety Administration.
yeah as i said though, ymmv depending on loc
In the capitalists west, there are only small grassroots projects doing this. Most volume of that stuff goes straight in padlocked trash when best before is met
Can confirm that at least Target donates a LOT of food in my area, source being I was on the logistics team and literally watched trucks taking stuff to the food bank
That is illegal in France. Which as far as I know is capitalist west.
I meant na
Than you live in a better place than me. Well done to you and your community :)
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it’s just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don’t want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
I bake my sourdough weekly. Once you have your sourdough it is pretty much the same effort, but you don’t have to use yeast anymore and you need to plan a bit more time for the bread to rise. It is worth it for the taste.
I’d love to get into it but I just don’t have the time to get past the initial start up. Plus after work I am just exhausted and I definitely don’t have the fortitude to make it a weekly ritual (not to mention we just don’t eat that much bread). Maybe someday though.
If you ever want to try it but have no interest to make the starter, just ask around in your community. More often than you think there is this one person who has their sourdough and is more than happy to share it. I shared mine multiple times over the years, because I know getting started is no fun at all.
You can also freeze the sourdough to use from time to time or keep it in the fridge and just refresh it weekly to bi-weekly by mixing some of it with a bit of water and flour.
That’s a great idea! maybe it’s not as hard as I thought… at least if I’m able to snag some starter :)
The initial startup requires a bit of reading and then a few minutes every day pouring out a bit of starter and mixing flour and water
I had the opposite experience with it lasting longer. My homemade sandwich loaf will not last more than a week without molding… Supermarket bread (the mass produced stuff, dunno about the made in store stuff) is packed with preservatives and seems to last at least two.
But it’s so much better that it was never going to last that long anyway.
I usually make two and freeze one
For us the deli bread lasts 3 days on average, the regular store bought bread lasts like actually forever but it’s awful so not worth it, the bread I made lasted more than a month. We did however store it in the fridge and I’m sure the recipe and how you handle it are critical.
The preservative they use is oil. You’ll notice your own bread dries out much quicker than the mass produced stuff. There’s maybe some other preservatives in there, but it’s mostly just a lack of water
Since apparently it’s so cheap to make and so much of it gets thrown away anyway, you’d think they just lower the price of it. The reason I don’t buy that kind of bread is it usually way more expensive.
It’s usually a dollar a full loaf where I get it?
The like artisanal type breads? Like the brioche and the sourdough and all that? Hell that’s a deal. I can get a French loaf for a dollar but that’s about it.
Oh well I usually do just get the french/italian breads, I don’t usually swing for the higher end breads, though I got them once or and I recall them being fairly inexpensive but I don’t know what the actual cost was.
I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I’m an NPC
I don’t offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
that’s the correct answer because that bread goes stale in about 6 hours
To be fair, the quality of the bread in these mass produced “artisan bakery” sections can be trash tier, like sometimes it’s wonder bread level but even more dry. Idk why they decide to do it. Maybe it was fresh at one point but these displays can get left out all week.
Source: an NPC who sometimes buys this crap to try it.
Yeah a d by the time you are spending that kind of money on bread, either get it from an actual bakery or make it yourself.
I used to buy this kind of bread before I started making my own sourdough, but it just doesn’t compare to fresh out of the oven. It’s more or less equivalent to my own bread after a week when I have to start toasting it.
Our local chain, Hannaford, has pretty good stuff actually. Their cakes and pastries are good too. Walmart bakery is trash, but it’s Walmart. They do pizza rolls 👌
The bread is a decoration indeed. It’s there for the same reason the flowers are out the front of the supermarket, it makes the store look more welcoming and less like a warehouse that is engineered to siphon money from your wallet.
Nobody buys that shit. We just wait for them to yeet it in the dumptster out back, then we cut the chain and take it home.
