“You […]” makes pretty much anything an insult.
A positive word implies sarcasm. “You genius”. “You hero”.
A random noun drags out the negative aspect of the noun or implies lack of a brain. “You french fry”. “You paper bag”.
Adding a random adjective just strengthens the statement. “You british bathroom sink”. “You beautiful parking lot”.
Of couse it depends on delivery, and using random words makes some strange insults, but I rarely see “you […]” turn into a positive compliment.
Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
Absolute unit.
Whoops, I broke it.
Almost any adjective works. It’s the ‘you’ part that implies ire and intended denigration.
You incredible sock! You blind carrot! You empty bottle! You missing tooth! You complete thumb! You glazed pie! You stewed milk! You wet sandwich! You frosted toenail! You waxy discharge! You nauseous chifferobe!
Okay maybe not every one of them works but I think most of the time you can just put on a bad attitude and attach a adjective to an object to create some rare insults.
I’ve watched all of the Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares series and it’s full of these, except it’s usually fuckin’ instead of absolute.
My favorite is when after having lunch he went back to the kitchen to find they were just microwaving everything. The exchange went something like this:
“Did I have anything for lunch that wasn’t microwaved?”
“your salad”
“Of course you don’t microwave a salad you fuckin’ donut”
Edit
Found the clip at 1:15 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so5eX9q3k9A
It’s a very British thing. Like adding “ed” to anything to mean very drunk. Hammered, trollied, steamed, cunted etc.
Too much absolutism in this thread.
Good, good.
Equally if you write the word “totally” in front of any noun it means drunk.
“I’m totally suitcased”
That’s not a noun, is it.
Could be a system daemon process though.
you absolut vodka
And add absolutely to the front of almost anything to describe how pissed you were. I was absolutely trousered/shedded/etc
You absolute winner
You absolute king
You absolute beast
Im bad at this
Absolute winner and absolute beast are common compliments in my social group.
No you’re not you absolute gummy bear
You guys are absolute stars!
You absolute strawberry plant
You absolute fishtank
You absolute houseplant
Yeah, this checks out
Close!
This has been a Brit thing for a decade or so, particularly Scots and Northern English. The idea is to use a noun that could already be a slightly insulting word to start with, like ‘potato’ in the example
You absolute donkey
You absolute cabbage
You absolute bin-bag
You absolute Belgian
Etc etc
On a similar note, with an “absolutely” and a word ending in “ed”, you get words which mean “very inebriated/stoned”
Common
- absolutely battered
- absolutely blathered
- absolutely pissed
- absolutely wankered
- absolutely trolleyed
- absolutely shitfaced
- absolutely twatted
Less common
- absolutely potatoed
- absolutely cultured
- absolutely traffic coned
- absolutely fishcaked
- absolutely Belgianed
- absolutely bin-bagged
- absolutely cabbaged
- absolutely Tobleroned
“absolutely” in this context can be replaced by “pure” if you’re a weegie
You shouldn’t have given me this new power you absolute pork tenderloin!
I love it! Lol
Foods definitely work best, you absolute Dorito.
Don’t be so sure about that, you absolute budgerigar.
You absolute textbook.
Yeah, you.
How dare you say that? you absolute toothpaste
I think his name is based on “Harvey Dent”, and not “dentistry” you absolute dolphin
Thank… You…?
Only a Sith deals in absolutes.
Explain this then.
Weird how one of the strongest Jedi in history “just didn’t notice a Sith Lord corrupting the whole fuckin Galactic Senate”
“He trained Like though?”
Yeah, just like Palpatine wanted, so he could get a newer, younger model.
You absolute sith.
Get out of here, you absolute integer.
What a non-negative thing to say.
It’s only natural to say it
Hey, get real
