Previous attempts to describe things about the mindset shift (dates of notes are for the last edit, and names are redacted):

• May 12, 2024: journal/log entry written on the day of the mindset shift

  decide to seek platonic friendship with girls almost for its own sake

  • Use of the word “platonic” here might not be completely accurate
• May 19: 3 excerpts of an early draft of the group chat messages

  I used to have a tendency to have excess focus on one girl, taking the next step in pursuing her, etc. I was afraid of not maintaining that focus enough. This kind of habit actually slowed me down and was bad for me.

  To be clear, if you have a crush on someone and you are afraid of saying hi to them, focusing a lot on doing it is a good thing. You are more likely to focus too little, rather than too much, when fighting against shyness.

  Thinking about the entire path to having a girlfriend and ultimately to marriage is useful for maintaining courage, but not for much else. Instead of thinking about how the details of what you do affects the bigger picture, just try to make the present moment good. This can make you more free and make your personality more visible.

• May 20: group chat message

  I suggest that all of you should try to deeply know many people, make your whole personality seen by many people, and focus on making the present moment good.

  This is part of a change to myself I decided to make a week ago. I’m still working on an explanation of the whole thing, but I wanted you to be able to follow some of my advice in the last few days of the school year.

• May 23-24: 3 group chat messages

  This is the main idea of the change I mentioned a few days ago: in my journey towards marriage, the next big step for me to work towards is me and a girl’s personalities and values fitting together in a very good and visible way.

  What I said in the other text (know, be known, focus on present) is a requirement for this, and it replaces my cage-like tendency to prematurely try making up my mind and to have exclusive focus on one girl that spans a large amount of interactions. Also, it’s a good mindset for all social interactions, which means it helps with more than just getting a girlfriend (in fact it’s probably the lore behind me throwing a Kit Kat at _ and someone else). The exciting part is that it’s one mindset for everything, which means the involved habits can be used and developed in all social situations, and I can get far in something without even thinking of it as platonic or not platonic.

  I am keeping the same principles of ambition. The difference is that the way in which I apply them will be less confined.

  I am excited about what this mindset makes possible for both you and me. That’s why I worked hard to identify things in my subconscious and explain everything with enough clarity to properly guide you. Don’t waste the potential.

  It’s hard to believe I figured this out only 3 months after I was only starting to be brave enough to say hi to whoever I have a crush on.

  ---

  Muh freedom

  ---

  To be clear, making the present moment good doesn’t mean staying in or near your comfort zone

• May 27: journal/log entry

  realize how to explain the concept of romantic/platonic not being a thing most of the time in my new mindset: the full potential of the present moment must be accepted, and whether or not it’s romantic is almost never for me to decide

• June 14: private note

  Be yourself: pursue your vision of fun and strength, not of comfort

• June 16: private note

  Pursuing girls, becoming confident and then less focused on one girl, [is] like plant needing to move to bigger pot

• June 28: private note

  Be infinitely patient

A few hours ago, I might have nailed it.

There are 2 relevant categories of human behavior. Here’s a description from ChatGPT:

1. Goal-Directed Activities: These are actions undertaken with a clear, specific objective or outcome in mind. They are purpose-driven, often involving planning and effort to achieve a desired end state. Examples include working on a project, studying for an exam, or saving money for a purchase. This concept is widely discussed in psychology, especially within the context of motivation and goal-setting theory.

2. Experiential Activities or Intrinsically Motivated Activities: These activities are pursued primarily for the experience itself rather than for any external reward or end goal. They are often done for enjoyment, relaxation, or personal satisfaction, and are motivated by intrinsic rewards such as pleasure, curiosity, or a sense of connection. Examples include socializing, listening to music, or engaging in a hobby. This concept is central to theories of intrinsic motivation and flow in psychology.

In philosophy, similar distinctions can be found in discussions about “means and ends” or “instrumental and intrinsic values.” Activities with a specific goal are often seen as instrumental, serving as a means to an end, while activities enjoyed for their own sake embody intrinsic values.

Doing an intrinsically motivated activity is like grabbing balls out of a bucket and not seeing what you’re grabbing until it’s out of the bucket. The results (possibly some causing others) of the activity are represented by the balls.

My social behavior before the mindset shift can mostly be described as doing these at different times, if I remember correctly:

• Goal-directed social interactions, with purpose of pursuing the long-term goal, mostly by either getting closer to someone or making myself stronger
• Intrinsically motivated social interactions, completely platonic in most cases

✨ After the mindset shift:

• Goal-directed or intrinsically motivated tweaks to interpersonal encounter selection (choose to be around certain people in a particular moment, choose to join a certain club, etc.)
• Intrinsically motivated social interactions only
  • This explains why I felt like I now have “one mindset for everything”
• Goal-directed analysis of observations about people or of the “balls” from social interactions

ChatGPT claims that George Levinger is relevant to this. Tangent: the Wikipedia article mentions this concept, which might be useful to include in the Pansystellar Architecture:

As two partners become increasingly interdependent and concerned with each other, their mutual involvement is pictured by a growing intersection between two circles or mutual “life spaces.”

Goal-directed interactions might still be needed for people who are still very shy. A fire or engine start analogy might be used for this.