I’m new to the bidet scene, and this one has me slightly confounded. Should I install a new towel rack next to the toilet? Should my wife and I share the towel? Do you wipe first? There are so many unanswered questions in the ways of bidet-ing!
Bidet wash first. Then tp to dry and to, well there is no nice way of saying this, check how the bidet wash did its job. Used appropriately, you should use significantly less tp than before.
For anyone with a sewer system built for TP, this is an ideal workflow. Poops and poopers are not identical, and bidets are not magical. Trust but verify, friends.
Pet peeve. Whatever three-quarters of the world seems to believe, any sewerage system can handle TP. That is: real TP has almost zero fiber integrity, it literally turns to goop on contact with water. Goop that has no more structural consistency than an average pile of sh*t. If still in any doubt then just make sure to flush it in single sheets, each one will be a pea-sized ball of goop. This misunderstanding seems to be purely cultural. I’ve been to a ton of developing countries, all with the usual dodgy sewerage systems and narrow-bore pipes. Yet only some of them, notably Latin America, have the disgusting cultural norm of TP bins. The rest understand that there is a difference between TP and paper towels designed for the kitchen and your face. TP is always flushable, by design.
And generally, baby wipes, bottom wipes and face wipes aren’t safe to flush, even if they say flushable on the package. If they were safe to flush, you wouldn’t be able to pull out a wet sheet from the package; it would be goo.
I thought it was natural, but it turns out TP is using PFAS so that it disintegrates as much as possible. That was kind of a bummer to learn. :/
Wtf. Just looked this up and you’re right. It seems like literally everything contains either toxic chemicals or plastics, unless you made it yourself without them.
Yeah, that was a bit depressing. The PFAS make it a lot more water soluble. My guess is that old TP didn’t break down very well at all, and was kinda splintery (or at least more paper-y).
Luckily, the bidet removes much of that as long as you don’t use TP. And for those that have bad pipes or a septic system, I think a bidet is an invaluable part of saving you lots of money, since you aren’t packing extra material down the pipes.
The cheap toilet paper can be submerged in water for like 48 hours before breaking down. So for many who only buy the cheapest, clogging pipes is a reality. Their own fault, but still.
I try not to blame individuals for the failure of systems, especially ones as exploitative and damaging as capitalism. Why blame the people who can only afford the cheapest toilet paper when you could blame the corporation that made the cheapest toilet paper clog toilets? The people with the least money have the most negative repercussions. How are they supposed to know it clogs toilets without having to learn the hard way? Why wouldn’t you assume that toilet paper would all be equally safe to flush no matter how cheap it is?
I mean you could always just wipe your ass, leave the TP in the bowl for like 48 hours, and then flush it, but then that kinda seems unsustainable unless everyone has their own toilet and only needs to poop every 48nhours which isn’t gonna be the case in a poor country I bet.
Removed by mod
especially if someone on lemmy is WRONG, and you need to thumb a reply!
🤣
like RaulDook! 🤦♂️
Pooping solo, a roll of TP will last me a month or two. A pack of TP will last well over a year.
Gosh, I hope everyone poops solo. 🫢
I hope that one day you too can share a connection with a special someone or someones where you never have to poop alone.
You are valuable, loveable and you deserve this
Different stokes for different folks.
deleted by creator
Who’s this we you speak of? 😶🌫️
deleted by creator
I mean that no one else but me is using the ass loafs.
Let me introduce you to the Donnerbalken.
This has always disturbed me. As a non-bidet user, when I have used them (a dozen or so times) an additional final sweep has definitely been required. And yet so many bidet users are adamant everything is magically 100% clean. I now just assume they’re walking around oblivious to a spot of wet mud peppered around the rim of their margherita.
People are different, some folks are hairy, some folks aren’t. I am unclear as to why this is “disturbing”.
My hot take is that everyone should be shaving their asshole, maybe even their crack. If your ass looks like someone slammed a wig in a suitcase, you need to trim that shit before extruding play-doh though it.
You cannot get that hair 100% clean, especially if shit dries in it.
Yeah no. Soap exists.
You wash your ass every time you take a shit, even when at work? :P
Most people shit the same time every day. If you just nudge your shit cycle to be right before your daily shower then all this hassle goes away
I think of it as being (sorta) similar to spraying and wiping down a dirty countertop. The spray alone isn’t going to get it fully clean, but it makes the wipe about a thousand times more effective at finishing the job.
It’s certainly much cleaner than just spreading it with paper…
Which is like trying to wipe peanut butter off a counter top with just a dry paper towel.
If you have mud, your gi tract is not as healthy as it could be. Bidets are not designed to clean Peanut butter of carpet
Oof what a visual
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
You should advertise for a tutor.
Seriously, this is NOT difficult.
It took me a little bit to figure out, but it’s all about the “aim” of the spray. If you’re not positioned just right, it might not be washing the area completely. But when it does, it’s so satisfying seeing a clean piece of wet tp.
You have created a mental image that cannot be undone. I hope you’re happy.
Depends on the nozzle size and whether you get one that oscillates, not all are built equally. Mine is always sparkling. Can confirm this on another person, as a corollary of dating, haha.
My bidet has enough power to strip spraypaint off concrete, lol.
I suppose it depends if you are using it correctly or not. I’ve used a bidet all my life, and where i live bidets are a separate bowl from the toilet, made from the same materials, and virtually every household has one. I’ve never had a problem of it not cleaning enough
EDIT: Here’s an image. You can see the bidet has a kind of jet of water coming upwards with force, exactly below where you would sit. You can regulate the intensity and if done properly you can clean yourself completely https://images.app.goo.gl/6w3EMWrAk34DBwJd7
I personally can feel it if the water went everywhere and enough. I never had brown on the tp afterwards. You probably don’t wash long enough or too low preassure or no movement, etc.
I can see that for a beginner there are things to figure out on how to use it efficiently. Sa.e as beginner of tp usage.
My experience has been that it makes the perimeter squeaky-clean, but obviously with a finger, you can do some digging. And if you dig deep enough, there’s always going to be mud.
And also in my experience, this digging doesn’t actually help. You’ve got a great gate down there. If the outside of that gate is clean, you’re clean. Digging out from behind that gate doesn’t do much, because new mud will push up against it pretty soon.
You bidet it clean enough, then use your hand to wash your backside, then dry.
What, and I can’t stress this enough, the fuck?
I think it’s a Muslim thing
Is it?
Are we in one of these social media posts where we rediscover that a bunch of people have not been washing their bums in the shower for their entire lives and we have to carry on living with that knowledge?
This is not about the shower. There’s different kinds of bidets. Some just sprinkle your nether regions. Others are a full-blown sink for you to scrub yourself. And yet others are the so-called “bum guns”, where you’ve got a hose next to your toilet to sploosh it away.
bum guns are the…
shit.
(••) , ( ••)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■)
YEEEEAAAHH!
Water on your bum is water on your bum. If the caveat is that magical built-in bidets don’t need a scrub (as much), why is your reply to my post and not the “muslim thing” guy? Wouldn’t it apply equally to both?
Yes. Wash your hands, wash your ass isn’t as common as you might expect in North America. It also isn’t just a “Muslim thing” as you point towards. That invalidates Muslim beliefs and customs as well as reducing the pervasive and varying global cultural etiquettes around cleaning one’s self after bodily functions. A wide swath of north americans are only taught the toilet paper wipe bit.
Hey, I do get that bidets aren’t culturally well established everywhere, and even in bidet areas they don’t often come with detailed instructions, so usage habits are kinda random.
But that’s why I went to the shower bit instead. I would hope cleaning your nethers when you shower is a universal habit, or at least as much of one as washing your hands after a trip to the toilet.
But hey, maybe permanently sweaty, poopy undercarriages are just… you know, “an American thing”? I don’t know.
This is the case with many countries where toilet paper is cheap and shitty and will clog the hundred years old shared plumbing systems which probably drains into the same system as the rainwater drainage. They still have plumbing systems, though, so some form of bidet is still viable. So, wash with your left, eat with your right, as is common in india. Not too big of a problem, I’d say, so long as you have soap and water to wash your hand afterwards and you do a thorough job, and maybe also have a diet where you’re not shitting your brains out every time, and maybe also have a shaved asshole or something, but yeah.
This is the way.
Ryobi cordless leaf blower. You have to aim for the rim because if you hit home it makes you burp.
Actually though, just dab with TP. You’ll use much less TP and not need “flushable” wipes that still clog your main sewage line
I know you’re joking, but i think I’d enjoy a Dyson ass dryer.
Technically, why not?
Because the butthole is sensitive and repetitive exposure to heat can cause issues.
Bumhole heatstroke is a thing. Gotta be careful.
No heat, imagine just a hand holdable blower with a complimentary vacuum to suck in everything blown away. Like at the dentist. The dentist makes a mess in your teeth while the assistant uses a little vacuum tube to clean it all up.
Got a solid chuckle out of me man, thanks. Needed that.
Be sure to grab extra batteries and keep one on the charger. Trust me
I wonder when Dyson is going to bring out their arse-sized airblade?
I twerk a bit over the bowl.
Copying the text from another comment i made here:
I have a standalone bidet, not the toilet bowl attachment, which is basically a mini sink, and it works like a sink in that you can regulate flowrate and temperature with the handle
with this kind, you have 100% cleanliness since you use your hand to clean everything, and after it there’s a mini-towel for each person, usually in a towel rack near the bidet so no-one gets confused, and usually in a smaller size then normal towels.
If you’re worried about the idea of using your hand being unhygienic, rest assured, there’s a radical invention called washing your hands afterwards, which, by the way, you should do anyways even if you use toilet paper.
Why are people so confused about this comment? I live in a backward society that does not use bidets. However those from the image are the only ones I know from Spain. What is wrong about them? Or is it the hand thing? If yes, what is the alternative? Please, can somebody explain, I am serious.
they probably mean the Japanese style ones where you attach a seat to the toilet bowl, and on e you are done a small tube comes out and shoots water up
yea I don’t know how those are popular either
I tried the fancy japanese robot toilets when i went there. I thoroughly enjoyed them.
Heated seats ✅
Music to cover up sounds ✅
Deoderiser fan ✅
Adjustable bidet squirt level from 1-7 ✅
‘front bum’ bodet for the ladies ✅
Heated seat ✅
Any bidet is better than no bidet. The hand ones are great. But the Japanese ones with zero hand contact minimizes the potential for fecal-oral contact even more, just in case someone doesn’t do a great job washing their hands in a hospital or food service setting.
Side note, it really irritates me when people take a shit, wet their hands, and leave. Wash your hands with soap and water. It takes 20 seconds.
If you don’t, you are now slinging potential shit water everywhere.
I saw one like this at a hotel in Austria once and was trying to figure out how to use it. I couldn’t figure out how the water stream was supposed to spray and clean coming out the side like that. Do you almost lay on it, face down or on your back to get it to spray your bum clean?
It never occurred to me that the spray wouldn’t be used to clean at all.
deleted by creator
When I was six or eight my parents were looking at houses and one had a bidet in the master suite bathroom, the kind that sprays up from the bottom of the bowl. I legitimately thought it was a water fountain for drinking and excitedly pointed it out to my parents. They did not buy that house.
Sitting next to the toilet??
This type is pretty good, but for food service workers, hospitals, and retirement homes, I’d prefer the hands-free ones with wide nozzles and oscillating sprayheads. Norovirus is a stupidly contagious GI bug, and for healthcare and food service, I want as little fecal-oral contamination as possible. Hand washing is great, but some people are terrible handwashers, and minimizing the potential vectors as much as possible is always appreciated.
Toilet paper itself is already pretty unsanitary. I wish all food service places had bidets for this reason alone.
Every time the bidet thing comes up, people are just DUMBFOUNDED by it. The sentiment is always “you smear shit all over your hands??” lmao.
No, first thing is you wipe thoroughly, then you use it aiming the faucet tangent to the bumhole, and with liquid soap on your hand, you clean it. Water is constantly flowing above your hand and against your hole, with soap on every contact surface. Afterwards, you wash your hands in the sink like normal.
Never had my hands smell like shit, never.
Even so, no way I’m shaking your hand pal.
This is actually demented
What’s demented is guys scratching their crotch and wanting to give me a high five afterwards
hey, smell this.
Do you live in a toxic fraternity!?
deleted by creator
People would rather have a filthy body than touch their own bumhole. I don’t get it, it is your own body, what is so icky when you are in the process of cleaning it? Would you rather live with a stinking baby with a dirty diaper, or change the diaper and have a clean space? Same thing, just deal with the thing asap and be done with it. This is why we invented soap. I swear to god this is same people who would scratch their navel then smell their fingers, or would eat earwax, but won’t touch their bums in a shower because it is gay. Guys would decry bidets but then go eat ass and pussy without a hint of self-awareness.
None of this explains why it’s not cleaner to use toilet paper than your hand after using a bidet…?
You don’t use your hand afterwards, you use your hand to wash along with the bidet, then you dry with TP or a towel. It is not demented. It is just washing like how you are supposed to wash when you shower.
I learned some time ago that some Americans just will never be ready for the bidet conversation, just let those people live in filth
Read the comment with instructions man. Wipe with toilet paper first, as normal. Then wash with soap and water. Then dry with a towel. If you’re smearing poop all over everything you’ve got other issues to work out.
To answer your question, it is cleaner than just using toilet paper because you are wash with soap and water after you use the toilet paper. If you manage to get poop all over the towel when you’re done washing, then TP alone was never going to suffice.
Because dry spreading your poop with toilet paper is not cleaner than washing your butt together with water.
Not what I said. Bidet + TP vs bidet + hand
Ah, I see, I thought the bidet part only relates to your second option, there. I guess one reason to use your hands is that in some countries, toilet paper is not commonly provided, so it’s not always an option.
No one only uses their hands guys. You use your hands in tandem with the running water to get all the shit off. Then you wipe with TP (modern) or a towel (more common before TP).
Yeah it would be cheaper I suppose, that’s fair
No one only uses their hands guys. You use your hands in tandem with the running water to get all the shit off. Then you wipe with TP (modern) or a towel (more common before TP).
Literally the whole world did this before we had pressurized bidets.
What the fuck.
Jesus Christ. I’m afraid to shake anyone’s hand now 🤢
I assure you, people who bother to wash their asses with a bidet and soap using their hands definitely wash their hands with soap and water afterwards and are cleaner than people who don’t use a bidet.
You touch your bare shit covered ass?
I bought a cheap $30 Chinese bidet that uses water pressure to blast the shit crust off without touching anything or even getting off the toilet seat, then I wipe dry with TP.
Your setup looks and sounds barbaric.
You touch your bare shit covered ass?
Yes, absolutely, and then I proceed to wash my hands because I’m not a Neanderthal
it might look and sound barbaric but it feels amazibg
I’m only kidding about the barbarism; any use of any bidet elevates people above others. You are likely sophisticated, intelligent and attractive for simply removing the chance of “swamp ass” completely out of the equation, regardless of your methods.
I’ve got a menthol minty butt soap. For the small price of washing myself I get a refreshing, lingering blast of arctic freshness on those hot ‘n humid downstairs jungle days. It may still get swampy, but for a few extra moments- it’s glorious.
Agreed… the pressure cleans everything. Why use your hands at all?
I’m sleepy and read that as “Biden voters, how do you dry your ass afterward?” and was very confused. But like… not as confused as I probably should have been.
with the amount of US political shit on here its no surprise really. honestly I had a pretty similar thought as I was scrolling over.
Yeah, I came into this thread expecting to learn more about some new brain-dead meme the right is using to pwn the left. Then realized it was a normal question I could answer.
You dab with toilet paper, for the love of all thats good, do not share an ass drying towel with your wife unless you went her to get chronic utis.
Just use the shells
Specifically, the 3rd shell.
Jesus, if you’re trying to help, do it properly.
No, it’s a combo:
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A
I use 3 squares of TP, folded twice (into 4 layers). I never transitioned to a towel because the spray doesn’t always get everything and the 3 squares are enough to dry it.
Trim your pubes back there and on your balls. It can make a big difference in how much water you can hold back there. I was using an extra two squares before my last trim.
This is the information we need but wouldn’t dare to ask.
…toilet paper…?
Wipe, rinse with bidet, then wipe again to dry.
Why pre-wipe? This feels like washing your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.
So you don’t splatter little bits of crap god knows where. The reason we use the bidet is because wiping isn’t enough, so it’s not redundant.
Rinsing your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher is actually a good idea if the dishes are very dirty though…
Scraping is definitely needed, but you might be able to make some changes to save water and time. Sharing this from Technology Connections, this guy saved me so much dish pre washing time!
Wiping first is just going to smear shit around and, if you have a hairy ass, get it more into the hair. Skip the pre-wipe and it will be just fine.
Spray with bidet then dry with toilet paper. Why are people so confounded by these things? Have y’all never used water to bathe before?
-
Because it’s a funny haha bathroom post
-
if you have to wipe with toilet paper anyway, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having a bidet?
-
Actually I’m a lemmy user, I use Arch btw, live in my mom’s basement, I’ve never been on a date and I never go outside. Of course I’ve never used water to bathe before.
if you have to wipe with toilet paper anyway, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having a bidet?
No. The purpose of the bidet is to properly clean your posterior which cannot be achieved with toilet paper alone. Also the amount of toilet paper needed to dry is lower than the amount needed to ‘clean’
My response is always “if you get shit on your hand, do you just rub it with some paper and call it a day?” Usually people get it at that point.
Who was the comedian who said that?
Not sure where I picked it up.
this 1000%
you use only like 1 or 2 tp (or flushable wipes) after bidet.
is way more to get less clean otherwise
No such thing as a flushable wipes. It’s just defective marketing. Plus there is no need to use one after the bidet. Toilet paper is perfectly fine to dry.
yeah they definitely need to improve degradation time, but there absolutely is reason to use them instead of TP.
I don’t use all the time but tried them during recovery based on the recommendation of the surgeon that removed my hemorrhoids.
significantly easier on the healing bum than tp was, bidet gets most of it but you’re not 100% clean every time.
(I don’t think I’ve ever not had to wipe a time or two even after lots of movement and higher pressure on bidet. wipes clean better than tp, and bidet just doesn’t get everything unless you’re one of those lucky people that wouldn’t use much tp anyway)
I’m not saying they aren’t better, what I’m saying is they aren’t flushable. If they don’t clog up your system, they fuck up your septic tank, or the city system.
If you have legitimate medical reason to use them, knock yourself out, but otherwise they should be avoided. And stop calling them flushable because they aren’t. They’re just wipes.
if you have to wipe with toilet paper anyway, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having a bidet?
The purpose of a bidet isn’t necessarily to make toilet paper unnecessary, it’s to clean properly. Before getting a bidet I would just step into the shower and use the removable shower head to wash my ass with a little soap and warm water, towel off after, bam super clean. I still do that, but now the bidet can save a step if I’m in a hurry.
Basically, try this experiment. (Quoted from some comedian) Smear some poop on the back of your hand. Then wipe it with dry paper and nothing else. Do you feel clean? Ready to go through the day? Of course not! You want to actually wash that off, and that’s the pleasant feeling from using a stream of water to feel thoroughly clean, not just removing residue but getting up in there into the outer wrinkles of the butthole, reduces the chance of getting the itchies later.
(This is particularly of consequence if there is ANY chance whatsoever of ending up naked with another person. You might not notice it, but other people would get hit with a musk the moment your underwear drops, and not the nice kind.)
two sheets versus a couple of giant wads? You’re definitely reducing your TP usage.
Tell you what. You drop a nice creamy dump on your floor, then try to get it clean with dry toilet paper. Let us know how it goes.
You don’t shit on yourself though, or at least I hope so.
You only wipe away the residue and not the entire shit
The residue of shit is still shit.
I feel like this comment could be applied in many diverse contexts.
Yes, but your comparison was shit.
-
Why are people so confounded by these things? Have y’all never used water to bathe before?
I feel like some people were never given actual hygiene instructions from their parents growing up. I can only imagine the way some people are so hung up on genitals and waste products that they can’t even think about it, those kinds of people going on to have kids… do we really think they’re going to pass on useful information on self-care?
And it’s not like there’s tons of social messaging and helpful guides all over the place on proper bathroom habits, it’s purely a passed-down skillset.
Every time this comes up on reddit, there are a lot of people sharing stories about knowing men who literally don’t wipe their own ass or touch it while showering and just constantly walk around with shit all over their ass. I used to think it was a meme, but then met people in real life who also had encounters with men who thought touching their own ass would “make them gay.”
So yah, people getting anxious about using a bidet? That tracks. I think a lot of people are at very least, just anxious because they’ve never really been shown anything and might be doubting their own habits. Basically the bathroom and poop and related topics are just this mysterious realm that nobody talks about. Insecurity over our most intimate and private acts is a tradition as old as time itself.
Pat dry with toilet paper
Did you dab? You have to dab!
Stop saying dab!
- The Venture Bros.
Dean, you gotta try this! It feels like a guy with a fever is yelling at my junk!
Yes. This prevents the tp from ripping.
This is the way.
In Italy, where the bidet is its own “seat”, we use small towels, one for each person. The ones that usually people vacationing in Italy think are for the face, they are actually for your ass. Hard to tell the difference on American tourists sometimes.
Noted
Especially because Europe doesn’t do washclothes, so as an American I had to learn VERY quickly what they were for
What do you mean we don’t use them? Those are exactly what I just described above.
In America a washcloth is a small hand sized cloth you use in the shower to clean your entire body, or your face
You mean “while” showering? With the water running?
Yep! Instead of a loofa washclothes are the thing here
Huh, that’s so random
Doesn’t it get just damp and smooth? How can you scrub properly with that?
Anyway good to know what they are for when there is no bidet in sight.
I use my “body” towel for the cheeks and toilet paper for the crack, same ad when I shower
My doubt about that is that, if you washed properly, it takes a lot of (usual 3 layers) toilet paper to dry the crack properly.
Upgrade to one with power. Never look back. Automatic flush, automatic seat raise and lower with a foot sensor, uv lights inside, foam/soap dispense into the bowl before and after, all the bidet features with constant and pulsing, articulating arm, heated seat, heated blow dry air, etc. It’s absolutely amazing.
Assuming you’re in the US just because the question only seems to come up there, and for our house there we imported them from Asia for less than $1k to the doorstep. Adding a power outlet is usually easy as most washrooms in the US have an outlet somewhere.
Bidet is like going to level 100 from 5. Super automatic Asian bidet is like a level 5000.
Sounds like you’re living in the year 3024.
Got a link to this black magic you speak of?
I am not affiliated with them at all:
I purchased from a sales rep for the company over WhatsApp and using Alipay because it was easy. They sell their products on Alibaba as well which would give you the sales protection and all that. I’ve bought about a dozen of them so far for 3 different houses. Wonderful.
What I didn’t understand from their catalog until I got one, is that they are very modular. Basically they have a couple bowl designs, lots of lid module designs, and then a few tank designs. Mix and match them to get all the SKUs.
I got the extra large tanks in-wall with wall hung bowls and then the super awesome everything lids. So the final product installed is just a floating toilet, with some buttons on the wall above it. You walk up to it, the lid opens. You either sit and the seat is heated or you wave your foot and the lid opens for guy mode. When you’re done in guy mode just walk away and it will flush and close and clean. In sit mode press the little knob on the side and it starts the water and then heat dry. You can also rotate the dial to get articulating wash and dry action. It comes with a remote control (why?) and an lcd on top. The soap dispenser inside creates a foam that shoots down when the lid opens. I’ve never been so impressed by a porcelain throne.
1k? Like… That’s it !?
Yes exactly! A bidet attachment plus a cheap bowl is like half of that. So it seemed like a no brainer.
Just to second the other guy: Link? Brand? Any info to hunt this down?
I am not affiliated with them at all:
I purchased from a sales rep for the company over WhatsApp and using Alipay because it was easy. They sell their products on Alibaba as well which would give you the sales protection and all that. I’ve bought about a dozen of them so far for 3 different houses. Wonderful.
What I didn’t understand from their catalog until I got one, is that they are very modular. Basically they have a couple bowl designs, lots of lid module designs, and then a few tank designs. Mix and match them to get all the SKUs.
I got the extra large tanks in-wall with wall hung bowls and then the super awesome everything lids. So the final product installed is just a floating toilet, with some buttons on the wall above it. You walk up to it, the lid opens. You either sit and the seat is heated or you wave your foot and the lid opens for guy mode. When you’re done in guy mode just walk away and it will flush and close and clean. In sit mode press the little knob on the side and it starts the water and then heat dry. You can also rotate the dial to get articulating wash and dry action. It comes with a remote control (why?) and an lcd on top. The soap dispenser inside creates a foam that shoots down when the lid opens. I’ve never been so impressed by a porcelain throne.
This guy bidets
I invested in one of those super fancy “smart” toilets with built-in bidet and hot air drying.
I used to work for the manufacturer and got a big discount on it before I left. It has a lots of overkill functions but damn I love that thing: Night light, dedicated remote, smell absorbing filter, mobile app, automatic flushing, sensor operated seat.
Its the fanciest thing I own.
what’s on the app? profiles for different butts? live feedback from a down-under camera? AI stool analysis?
I have a bidet with the functions he mentions other than auto flush as it installs on a standard American toilet. You scoff, but profiles probably are a thing.
Mine has a remote that probably does what his app does. It controls:
- Start/Stop
- Water temperature
- Seat temperature
- Water pressure
- Angle of nozzle
- Oscillator
- Turbo mode
- Air dryer
- Deodorizer
- Children’s mode
- Women’s hygiene mode
- Default run duration timer setting
- Power save mode
But what I really want is for it to say “Arigato Daddy-sama (ʘᴗʘ✿)” after I shit in it
I promise there’s no scoffing here! I love my analog bidet, and am always on the lookout for an upgrade, if the price is right. Especially if it can be fitted to a standard american toilet.
Happily taking recommendations, if you have any. The features you listed sound refreshing, relaxing, and somewhat intimidating. Which, to be clear, I’m into.
The settings for different users + all the functions the remote has.
Nozzle position, water temperature, etc.
- Some settings like when to open the seat/lid, when to
I never use the app it as its just a gimmick and the remote has dedicated buttons for everything, but in theory if I go to a place which has the same brand toilet it will set my butt profile automatically if I have the app on my phone with me.
I have one too, I’m on it now.
As a vulva owner, for me, the big win with the bidet isn’t the butt.
Either way though, the goal is to get clean with water, instead of a dry piece of paper, and then use either toilet paper or a dedicated towel to dry down the now clean area.
Just like with a shower. You don’t clean yourself with the towel. You get clean with water, and then dry with a towel
Communal bidet towel for peak efficiency
Do not share this. As a woman, you’re bound to get a uti.
It’s ass based communism lol
