The more plausible explanation: If you charge for the use of a bathroom in North America people will pee in front of your business out of spite… And necessity.
That should be the norm worldwide. The places that have pay-to-use public toilets need to toe their end of the line.
It’s the Libertarian Dream™
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
this and the “train tracks out of nowhere” pasta are my absolute favorites, they never get old
Found that pasta
CW: reckless cops get no justice
that was a response for cops putting a road rage incident detainee, Yareni Rios-Gonzalez, into the car parked right on the train tracks, and got that car smashed by a train.
The victim of their actions suffered serious injures, including 9 broken ribs, but survived, fortunately
The cop who parked it, Pablo Vazquez, seems to still undergo trials, the cop that put the victom in the car on train tracks, Jordan Steinke, instead of Steinke’s car that was parked safely, was accused of manslaughter, assault, and endangering. What do you know, the manslaughter was dropped, so she was sentenced only for two misdemeanors, and got no jail, 30 months of probation, and 100 hours of public services.
Being a cop is sure a tough job ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That was a great read
I’ll leave a link to the source, L.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department by Tom O’Donnell. There’s nothing extra, so you may want to omit visiting another account-craving site, though
My sides
Can’t wait for ChatGPT to pick this up.
Thank you for bringing that up. When visiting Canada it is important to know that you have to be gay to use a public bathroom. Otherwise you will have to pay for a hotel or lie about your blog post.
Chat gpt isn’t THAT stupid. Something needs at least 30 up votes on reddit before it repeats it!
Is that how the glue on pizza thing got started?
Yes
me when i purposefully spread misinformation over the internet
To be fair, weirder things like this have actually happened in history. That’s what makes it difficult to filter out blatant lies sometimes.
blatant lies
Reminds me of a person who edited Wikipedia page about a music band to present emself as a friend of said band, and used this edit to gain backstage access 👀
If you ever see one of those lists of crazy laws in American states and towns, many of them are fake. But many of them are also true. And the amount of crazy isn’t indicative of which are true and which are false.
“My source is that I made it the fuck up”
“Fore-score and seven beers ago … fleshdyke is a legend” - Abraham Lincoln
To be fair, you’d almost think that the stuff on CEPTIA, an organization that apparently drove pay toilet bans in the US, was made up. Their newsletter being the “Free Toilet Paper” just seems like an elaborate joke. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Committee_to_End_Pay_Toilets_in_America
That is brilliant.
And of course folks argue that we’d have more toilets if people could charge again.
I run a place with a public restroom. There are times when I get so angry that I’d like to charge 20 bucks a shit just to make it worth my while cleaning that mess up.
Ultimately though, folks can’t help that they gotta shit. Most people don’t want to use a public restroom, so if they’re running a in there they are desperate and the conditions are set up for a disaster.
It is what it is. I have gloves, bleach, disinfectant, and a strong stomach.
I’m still gonna curse you under my breath for half a day. :p
I’ve bowel disease so thanks for being understanding. When I have a flare up I struggle to even leave the house because I have to go that often so if I do manage to get out of the house then being able to get to a toilet is essential for me otherwise I’ll have to bring a change of clothes and wipes plus deodorant.
