This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Burneraccount3554 on 2024-01-24 02:05:58+00:00.
I (48F) met my husband (51M) 5 years ago, and we got married 2 years ago. Pretty early on in our relationship, he told me that he had 2 daughters with his ex-wife who are now 15 and 22, and were 11 and 18 when I met them. While he was telling me about them he mentioned that after he and his ex-wife split up, his older daughter Chelsea (Not her real name) blamed him and still does. I didn’t think much of it at the time and didn’t end up meeting either of them until a year later.
The first time I met Chelsea was during a 4th of July party with my husband, both his daughters, his ex-wife and her husband and various friends. By that point I had already met my younger step daughter a few times and she and I actually hit it off pretty well. However Chelsea seemed upset and kept her distance from me the whole party, and when I tried to introduce myself or even talk to her she gave me very short answers, before going into the house (it was at her mother’s house) for the rest of the night.
That is essentially how our entire relationship has been. I’ve known her for 4 years and in that time I don’t think I’ve had one friendly conversation with her, nor have I seen her have a nice conversation with my husband. Every time that my husband or I try to reach out to her to try to spend time or even talk to her, she’ll blow us off or directly tell us she doesn’t want to see us, and she has never spent any individual time with us. By which I mean she’s only around in group settings like parties and family events, etc and even then she’s very cold and distant towards both of us.
When my husband and I got engaged, I called both Chelsea and her sister to tell them, and all Chelsea said was congratulations and then not to expect to see her at the wedding before hanging up. She ended up not attending the wedding at all.
The straw that broke the camel’s back, however, was a few days ago when she walked by while I was on facetime with my husband’s younger daughter. I called her over and asked her about her graduation (she’s graduating from college this May). She once again blew me off and told me not to worry about it, and when I told her that my husband and I would be there she said she already knew who she was giving tickets to and that it wasn’t either of us.
I snapped and told her she was being ridiculous and acting like a child and that her parents’ divorce was 14 years ago and she needs to get over it. She told me that she was over the divorce but that she’ll never get over her “father being a piece of shit” (her exact words). I was honestly speechless and she hung up the facetime before I could respond.
My husband got a text from his ex-wife that night, telling him that if he wants to have a relationship with his younger daughter he needs to leave Chelsea alone and tell me to as well. My husband told me Chelsea has been this way towards him since she was 9, and we’re not sure what to do and it would be helpful to get some outside perspective. AITA?