TIFU when I asked my gf to come up with reasons why we might break up

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2023-11-27 06:01:04.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/NoFuckingAtNight

TIFU when I asked my gf to come up with reasons why we might break up

Originally posted to r/tifu

Trigger Warnings: insecurity

Original Post - Nov 11, 2023

My gf and I were lying in bed last night, cuddling and shit, when it dawned on me all of a sudden that none of my friends were in relationships anymore. All of them had broken up with their partners within the past few months, which was more or less the same length of time my gf and I had been together. I shared this revelation with my gf mid cuddle before asking her what I thought was a funny and harmless question at the time. I asked her what she thought would be the end of us and encouraged her to come up with ridiculous reasons only. Full disclosure, my gf and I were both high during the inception of this fuck up, so keep that mind if some of our actions come across as somewhat random. Anyway, so as per my question, my gf provided the following reasons that would cause our relationship to crumble.

If I stopped showering.
If during sex I said “I’m gonna cum dot dot dot question mark.”
If I lived on the 13th floor.
If I “psst” at someone whose name I knew.
If I used a spoon to drink tea or coffee like it was medicine.
If I literally licked my thumb before turning to the next page of a book.
If I found out she had a dildo replica of her ex’s penis.

I paused my gf when she got to the 7th reason and asked her if number 7 was something real or ridiculous because it sounded a lot less random than the other reasons. My gf said it was both real and ridiculous while laughing because at that point the atmosphere in the room was still lighthearted. I asked her why she still had her ex’s fake penis in her posession. She shrugged and said it was a decent dildo. I was about to ask her if she still used the dildo, but she predicted my question and said it’s been a long time since she used it. I think my face was beginning to show my mixed feelings because my gf decided to tickle me out of the blue until I laughed.

I did laugh, thanks to the tickle, but I was unable to forget about the clone a willy situation. It was bugging me. I had to see it, so I asked my gf to show it to me. She reluctantly agreed to show it to me if I promised to file this whole situation under “something that means nothing” and move on. I promised. For someone who said she struggled to remember when last she used the dildo, my gf didn’t even have to think about where she stored it. Just in case it’s unclear, we were in her flat. As soon as I witnessed the cloned dildo with my own two eyes, I knew, oh yeah, that shit was gonna live rent free in the back of my mind. Of course it was big. I mean, what other size is there when it comes to exes.

My gf asked if I wanted her to get rid of it. My mind said yes but my mouth said it was her choice. She shrugged and said it was just another sex toy. I said a promise is a promise before deciding to make us some coffee, which I drank with a spoon. Playing the break up game was not the smartest decision on my part. Now I’m cursed with the knowledge that my gf not only kept her ex’s cloned cock, but most likely used it whenever she wanted, which may or may not have been during our relationship.

TL:DR I playfully encouraged my gf to come up with silly reasons that might cause our relationship to come to an end. Based on that, my gf informed me that she had a replica of her ex’s penis in the form of a dildo, which she enjoyed using. Needless to say, my playfulness turned into pain.

Relevant Comments

wispoflife: NGL. I would have asked her to throw it out, on condition that I buy her a replacement one of similar size etc…

Sure it makes a good dildo, but it is just weird to keep a clone a willy of your ex into a new relationship.

That is my view with my own hangups. Sounds like this thing might bother you for longer than you hoped and I would think carefully about whether you can file it under “to be forgotten”.

OP: Yeah, I feel like I’ve always been fully supportive of my gf doing what needs to be done to cum on her own whenever I’m not present to provide her with sexual pleasure in person, but I also feel like it’s not too crazy for me to feel conflicted about her specifically getting off to her ex’s penis, albeit a replica of his penis and not the original. Part of me feels like I’ll be able to get over it eventually, whether she keeps the clone dick or not, but I’m definitely gonna need time to digest this.

Few-Notice9304: That would bug the crap out of me. It’s up to you wether it bugs you but it’d eat away at me for sure.

OP: I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I do believe whatever attachment she has to her ex’s clone dick is no match for the connection we have with each other, romantically and sexually. However, on the other hand, the typical guy in me cannot help but feel like I’m suddenly competing against her ex on some level. I think I’ll learn to make peace with this or whatever I’m feeling now will become a wound I’ll keep scratching until the relationship bleeds out. I’m hoping that I’m somewhat mature enough to avoid the latter from happening.

Update Nov 13, 2023

Some of you asked for an update. Here it is:

Based on my original post, the consensus was that I be honest with my gf about how I feel regarding her ex’s clone a willy dildo that she still owned. I was building up towards sharing my feelings with my gf, but she beat me to it and ended up telling me that she got rid of her ex’s clone a willy because she could tell how much it bothered me. I confirmed what she said about my feelings and thanked her for disposing of her ex’s dick. My gf said I should not be thanking her yet because she was not 100% honest with me when she initially said that she used her ex’s clone a willy a long time ago. At that moment I knew she was gonna tell me that she used the clone a willy during her relationship with her ex, which was whatever, and during her relationship with me, which was where it kind of became a grey area from a current bf perspective.

My gf came clean about using her ex’s clone a willy until the two of us finally figured each other out sexually. I understood what she was saying. The chemistry between us was there since the beginning of our relationship, but the first few times we had sex was a bit of a learning curve for both of us. The sex was enjoyable for the most part, but despite our best efforts, we struggled to get each other off for some reason. During that time, my gf said she low key relied on her ex’s clone a willy, which apparently made her orgasm without fail. Call me insecure or whatever, but hearing that made me go “ouch” on the inside. My gf said the irony of relying on her ex’s clone a willy while we struggled to find our sweet spot in the bedroom, was the fact that she realized later on that her attachment to something from the past might have prevented her from fully committing to something in the present, or something like that, she said it better.

My gf assured me that when she told me her ex’s clone a willy was just another sex toy, she meant it, because that was what it eventually became when she learned to let go of “lingering feelings” and fully embrace the new connection she had with me. She made it sound like one of the reasons our sex life became the complete package it is now was due to the fact that she stopped using the clone a willy as her main source to get off. She apologized for not being vulnerable enough to unpack the impact her ex had on the beginning stages of our relationship and promised that her flat was now free of ALL her ex’s clone a willy dildos. I thought she implied that there was more than one clone a willy as a joke to get a reaction out of me, but as soon as she opened the garbage bin I realized her ex really loved cloning his dick. I counted 3, including the one I knew about. The other two were both glow in the dark.

My gf and I laughed about it. I have a feeling we’re gonna be okay. That said, not sure I’ll easily forget about her well endowed ex bf who peaced out of his relationship with my gf by leaving behind, not one, not two, but three of his dicks.

TL:DR My gf disposed of her ex’s clone a willy. All 3 of them. Yeah, the ex actually made 2 more.

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