Never thought it’d happen to me. It did. Been Clean a bit over a year. I got a couple crazy stories for sure. AMA
Edit: this is pretty personal, the answers kinda long, and I can’t touch on everything, but I’ll try my best. Thanks for reading.
Never thought it’d happen to me. It did. Been Clean a bit over a year. I got a couple crazy stories for sure. AMA
Edit: this is pretty personal, the answers kinda long, and I can’t touch on everything, but I’ll try my best. Thanks for reading.
First off, congrats on being clean! Such a huge accomplishment! I’m going to ask a few questions: -How did you start? -What was your rock bottom moment? -What was the convincing factor that made you get clean?
That means a lot to me fr.
For how I started read the post after yours (:
My rock bottom? Hell there’s no such thing. The bottom just keeps moving. Eviction? No electricity? Starving? Nope I found a way. Multiple arrests and charges? Nope. No money? I sold lots of my precious music gear. Nope. Sold my SOs great aunts wedding rings from the 20s was pretty bad…but:
This is my most “wtf am I doing” moment. And I’d consider it rock bottom. It’s not crazy, but it’s something I’m super ashamed about and would never do if not for drugs. Stealing. I got fired from my job because I was taking tools and pawning them, then returning them when I could get them out. …
Well one day a coworker just happened to be in this run down little pawn shop. He caught me. He didn’t tell on me until a week later, I suffered like raskalinov that entire time about my guilt and getting found out. I was a mess.
My job was awesome too with awesome people. They were gonna put me through rehab! But I just walked out before my boss even got to the job to talk to me and haven’t talked any of them since, all driven by shame and embarrassment.
In the end, it wasn’t enough. I used for another 6 or 7 years. It took me doing jail time. Something light, only 90 days. But that was simultaneously the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. I made the best of jail, laughed a LOT, lived in raw human sewage for a week with no running water, ate shitty food and talked to some shitty and some cool af people. Never looked back. I know that if fuck up even a little bit, I’m going right back. I’m not on parole anymore but I’m in the system. Everytime I get pulled over I get searched, cuffed, and put in the squad car. I have to be air tight. Especially where I live.
Really? That’s bullshit!
Yes. The whole experience has been really eye opening.
And the crazy thing is, if they wanna put you away, they will. If you don’t have money, forget it. Your sitting in jail while your court ordered attorney has lunch with the judge and ignores you calls.
I’ve seen people sit on 500 bail. All you need is 10% to get out. Until the time has passed where they get either bail reduction or non monetary bail where its lowered to 1$ after like 6 months I think.
I saw people sit on total bs charges and they just sit in there trying to clear their name, with a lawyer who doesn’t work for them, the court just kicking cam down the road 1 month at a time.
So you sign the plea because who wants to sit I’m jail?
As far as the police interaction…even if I didn’t do anything, they can write up whatever report they want. Policing is super subjective.
“OH well he was acting funny so I searched the car”
What does that even mean? Then you get a whole written report of shit that never happened, all corroborated by fellow officers and the judge…and they all get money for each bed they fill in the jail.
I live in a complied consent state. They can take you in to draw blood at any point. If you deny, license suspension. If you comply, well chances are for many, that you smoked some tree within in 30 days, in which case your getting a DUI.
Everytime I drive by a cop car, with license plate scanner, I’m shaking. If it catches my plate a red flag pops on their screen with all my charges. Depending where your at, your getting followed and intimidated at least.
And I’m a cis white male… I couldn’t even begin to imagine being considered an “other”. It’s beginning to be more of a rich v poor thing though for sure. It’s just very surreal the depths of the depravity that are buried in people. Myself included.
I’m sorry this is your reality. It sounds horrible.
It’s OK. I’m pretty good at being happy. I never thought I deserved. But I know now that it’s a choice. I want to be happy, and I’m not gonna let things outside my control hamper my own head space any longer. What I am in control of is my own behavior. I just have to be mindful of my own actions and constantly be doing cost benefit analysis on my choices.