Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?

  • Showroom7561
    43·
    1 year ago

    You’re not alone. My wife does this all the time, usually by text, which is even more annoying since we’re always within earshot of each other.

    I think it bothers you (and me) because it’s akin to someone ringing a bell for their servant. It doesn’t value your time at all to simply call you over with no context.

    Once in a while? Fine. Always? That’s just being disrespectful.

    I’ve simply resorted to “what is it?”, “I’m busy right now” or “I’ll come later”, and that usually ends up with a “never mind”, so I know it was never something important enough to stop what I was doing.

    • bleistift2@feddit.deEnglish
      113·
      1 year ago

      If your wife is using text instead of talking to you, I would consider that a sign of respect. At least this is why I text people I could just as easily talk to.

      Texting is inherently asynchronous. Your wife is telling you, “This isn’t urgent. Read it whenever you get the chance.” If you’re in the middle of something, texting is less obtrusive than if they just started talking with you out of nowhere.

      This is just my personal interpretation. Only you can decide if it makes sense in the context of your relationship.

      • Showroom7561
        18·
        1 year ago

        If your wife is using text instead of talking to you, I would consider that a sign of respect.

        Nah, she’s just super lazy. LOL

        She knows I’ll be working, but I have to “come here” because “Can you bring up my water?”… literally just ask me to bring up water and save me two trips and 15 minutes to get back into what I was doing!

        It’s a habit that needs to be deprogrammed.

        • astraeus@programming.dev
          73·
          1 year ago

          I’m sorry if this comes off harsh, I think your response requires this question. Is your wife a computer or a person? She has her own set of feelings, thoughts, and needs that she could find difficult to communicate with you for some reason. You need to be certain you’re properly respecting the person you are in a committed relationship, that includes making sure she can properly communicate what she needs with you without feeling like an inconvenience or a chore.

          I say all this because I’ve been there, I’ve treated people in my life like they were inconveniencing me and ultimately it ruined relationships. It’s not fun on the other end of that.

          • UndefinedIsNotAFunction@programming.dev
            3·
            1 year ago

            that includes making sure she can properly communicate what she needs with you without feeling like an inconvenience or a chore.

            I didn’t come here to be reminded I feel this way. I just came for the memes.

      • Ilikepornaddict@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        5·
        1 year ago

        For someone outside your home, I would agree with this. But for someone in the house, especially within earshot, I feel it’s the exact opposite. Just talk to me, use your words, and tell me what you want.