What did your father do for you/not do for you that you needed?
Context: I have recently become a father to a daughter, with a mother whose father was not around when she was growing up. I won’t bore you all with the details but our daughter is here now and I am realising that I’m the only one in our little family who has really had a father before. But I have never been a girl. And I know that as a boy, my relationships with my mother and father were massively influential and powerful but at the same time radically different to each other. People say that daughters and fathers have a unique relationship too.
Question: What was your father to you? What matters the most when it comes to a father making his daughter loved, safe, confident and free? To live a good life as an adult?
I’d like this to be a mature, personal and real discussion about daughters and fathers, rather than a political thing, so I humbly ask to please speak from your heart rather than your head on this one :)
Thank you
P.S Apologies if this question is badly written or conceived; I haven’t been getting enough sleep! It is what it is! P.P.S I’m gonna post this to a general Ask community but I thought it should come her first :)
Late to the party here but I have 3 daughters all under 10 (and I’m the dad)
A few note worthy things :
Books My body is mine (read with them. Teaches them bodily autonomy) Brave, Not Perfect (read myself) And if you want to be frustrated with the world, read invisible women.
Activities. Ooo boy this one can be frustrating. Boys are lauded for their rambunctious behaviours and girls are told how pretty they are.
I include my daughters in EVERYTHING. Fixing the lawnmower? Who wants to come help?! Going to home depot? You bet I have anywhere from 1-3 little girls in tow with me (we’ve done this since birth and it gives mom a little break). I’m a music teacher by profession so none of these typically “manly” tasks are natural to me or part of my day to day. When I include my girls in home and vehicle maintenance, we get to learn together.
One of the things I’ve learned most is to just show them how they should be treated. How you treat their mother shows them how they should be treated by a partner from a very early age.
I take my daughters on dates, 1 on 1. I still date their mother, why shouldn’t I include them for 1 on 1 time to strengthen our relationship. Granted, for the Mrs. it’s restaurants or tickets to something. For my girls, it’s Costco and ice cream (which they friggin love).
The proof is in the pudding. When my one daughter was 7 she started talking to me about boys with explicit instructions not to tell mom (mom asks too many questions). She felt comfortable sharing it with ME. There are not enough drugs in the world to replicate that “high”.
Asking the question here is a great start. Keep trying to be the best man you can be (whatever that means to you) for your partner and daughter and they’ll always be better off for it.
When in doubt, read, read, read. Ask questions and listen more than you talk. And for the love of god, don’t be weird about periods and feminine products.