Throw away account obviously but I’m sitting here, on a Friday night alone. I recently split off with my fiancee of 2 years, we were supposed to be wed in a few months. Shes off partying and living life up, and I’m happy for her. We still live together for the time being before our lease ends. This is exactly how my previous relationship ended. Ironic. She has a social circle to support her.
Well, throughout the course of 5 years, I have slowly burned many bridges of friends and over the course of 10 years, have destroyed many women’s perception of trust. The list goes on. My regret and guilt is an all time high.
On top of this, my family doesn’t really know the real me. I have such a hard time making connections with them and others at this point of my life.
I am seeking to rectify the entire situation by trying some therapeutic techniques. AMA.
I’m sorry that you relate to my story, but just know, at the end of a dark night, the bright sun rises again in the morning. You’ll live my friend, and I’m proud of you for getting so far.
When I was 18, I started working 30 hours a week, then picked up another part time job for 15ish hours a week. On top of that, I decided to go to school (community college) full time and try to bang it out as quick as possible. The only problem? I entered undecided on my major for the first 2 years until I decided on one. After that, it took me an additional 2 years to graduate with my AA. Got super burnt out with over crowding my schedule, so I decided it was best to take things slow. I worked 40 hours for a big company, for a few years and while back then I transferred to a Uni, where i got my BS after 2 years of hard work. During this time, I was busy with figuring out how to incorporate moving to a different city because of relationship matters at the time. After this, I decided to grab another AA, as it was a program to a trade school for a career move that I really wanted at the time. Then, alot of shit hit the fan. I lost all motion, so I’m just taking life day by day. Theres no need to push myself so hard when I was constantly stressed during my 20s. Chronically throughout, but now? My 30s? I feel like I can finally explore so much of what I missed in my 20s.
I am not going to sugar coat it - I have been psycho evaluated multiple times, they have dx me with some LD such as ADHD, so when I wasn’t on medication for that, my brain is literally running almost at 100% all the time, with no sign of stopping and it’s great. I feel mentally quick, and uppers or stimulants are really my favorite tool to exploit my intellect. I would like to say I’m well versed in the realm of psychology and philosophy, but when it comes to actually being an empathetic human? Well, let’s just say I’m finally starting my journey. I will say this however: I would trade all my IQ for an equal amount of EQ instead. It would benefit me to just be - happier in a sense. Ignorance is bliss, so they say. I’m not hyper intelligent by any means. I just have lots of special interests that I pour hours of my life into and I will continue to collect hobbies and master them as I grow through life.