How do you know when it’s just a rough patch vs time to end a romantic relationship? I know it’s quite personal and varies by relationship, so I’m more interested in folks’ experiences than in a general rule or standard. (Although if you do have a rule of thumb to share, would love to hear it too.)
Note: I’m not speaking of abusive situations, but of relationships with ordinary troubles.
I think it comes down to, are you done?
Every relationship has rough patches, but there’s a lot to consider: is it a recurring issue, are you both willing to talk it out and change behaviours, is there still the willingness to trust and give the benefit of the doubt, etc.
Everyone has to make their own decision as to how much energy they’re willing to put into a relationship. If there are just too many incompatible points, and things aren’t getting better, it might be time to call it quits.
On the other hand, if the love and respect is still there, and you’re still willing to put in the work… it could be good!
Good food for thought. For me, these are recurring issues that’ve been ongoing for a few years with limited progress, because my partner is very avoidant and has also been going through seemingly endless personal difficulties. But at the same time, they’re very good-hearted and loyal, and I’ve trusted in that enough to believe we can prevail. Earlier this year, it’s like all the accumulated issues finally hit me in the face and I realized that although we care deeply for each other, the romantic element is gone for me. We’re in couples counselling currently to try to work through things, but it was only when I hit my breaking point that my partner decided to really be present and take the initiative to work on what I’d been begging for for two years. That stings. In couples therapy this week, I did say, “I really feel like I’m done, but I’m also not sure if I fully mean that.” I guess I do have my answer, to some degree.