Maybe it’s generational I don’t know. I’m a 47 year old dude I don’t need strangers validation to know I’m a good dad and frankly that level of assumed eavesdropping and then feeling a need to announce that regardless of it being a positive message is just, fucking weird and off-putting.
Compliments are hard to take for some, and it sounds like you find it patronizing and creepy. This is for this very reason that I was really hesitant as a woman to compliment men, I’m more or less the same generation.
One time late at night, I had no makeup on and was very frumpy, going to buy a six pack at 7eleven. There, a gorgeous gigantic drag queen told me “Giiiiiiirl, look at your faaaace, you’re so gorgeous”. It was so so so cool and made me feel like a queen. So from then on I thought fuck it, I don’t get compliments often and when I do, it makes my day. So now I do whenever I am sincerely impressed or enjoy something.
There’s a lot of us who do, so please don’t stop. We receive them so infrequently that it’s reassuring and nice to hear if we’re doing something well or not from someone else.
No man is an island, and those that want to be tend to be assholes.
To be very fair there’s a difference between giving a compliment to your face directly and writing a letter with specific details that could come off a bit creepy.
“Hey nice hair! You’re rocking it!” - said to your face as someone walks past.
At some campgrounds you can’t not hear your neighbors. I understand there’s a social expectation of pretending privacy but surely this is just a wholesome gesture?
Why?
Seriously, it seems like a genuinely nice note. No harm was done and everything that was said was validating and positive. It didn’t need to be said, but that just makes it all the more special. That guy going out of his way to give that validation when it obviously wasn’t necessary just shows that he isn’t just being a good dad. His parenting is at a quality at that at least one other dad admires. He doesn’t need to be told that, but I’m glad he was.
I suppose I don’t understand your perspective. If you know you’re a good dad then getting validation on top of that is just good, right? If it’s obvious you don’t need it and someone else is still compelled to tell you then you must be doing an even better job than you thought!
It’s good you don’t need validation. In fact it’s a great level of confidence in your ability. So if someone validates that confidence. That’s good? It’s not needed, but it’s still good.
Or at least that was my takeaway, I was curious about yours.
ETA: I had a thought… What would your opinion be if the feedback was negative? What if he was aggressive and mean? Not loud, or drawing attention, just a dickhead to his kids and family.
I’m not looking for any particular answer here, I’m just curious if your opinion would change at all.
If you’ve ever been camping at RV parks, there is limited privacy and especially if you have kids, if two campsites are next to each other outside, they are absolutely going to be listening in on each other, because there’s not much else to do.
Also same with watching people pull in to their spot. As someone who regularly RV camps, everyone watches everyone pull in and also pack up to see how efficient they can do it vs themselves. It’s like a pasttime, especially if you get lucky and catch someone who has to try 10+ times to line up the RV correctly, because you know they just rented a bunch of equipment and don’t really understand how to use any of it.
TL;DR; it feels like you’re complaining about someone being thoughtful and wanting to pay it forward at an RV park by telling someone else, one father to another, that they’re doing a good job at life. Guys don’t get positive reinforcement a lot, so I bet this meant the world to the father who received the note.
I’ve spent many a week and weekend at camp sites. Normal people are not standing around gawking at people’s parking skills nor are they actively listening in to other campers conversations.
the weird part to me is writing such a long note and putting it on the car.
if it was delivered in person (and then there’s still a lot that could make it weird), or the note was just “hey man, couldn’t help but notice you seem to be a great parent, props from a fellow camper”, i’d be more comfortable with it.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I can understand how something coming across as overly specific could be creepy.
I think I’d put a bit more details to show actual examples then it doesn’t sound hollow. I think I would feel weird if it was just a random short note. Like, what did I do? Did I make a scene? So to avoid making someone else feel that way I’d add a few examples in the least weird way possible 😄
But I’m autistic and tend to question my way of viewing things a lot, so maybe that’s just a me thing 😉
Maybe it’s generational I don’t know. I’m a 47 year old dude I don’t need strangers validation to know I’m a good dad and frankly that level of assumed eavesdropping and then feeling a need to announce that regardless of it being a positive message is just, fucking weird and off-putting.
Compliments are hard to take for some, and it sounds like you find it patronizing and creepy. This is for this very reason that I was really hesitant as a woman to compliment men, I’m more or less the same generation.
One time late at night, I had no makeup on and was very frumpy, going to buy a six pack at 7eleven. There, a gorgeous gigantic drag queen told me “Giiiiiiirl, look at your faaaace, you’re so gorgeous”. It was so so so cool and made me feel like a queen. So from then on I thought fuck it, I don’t get compliments often and when I do, it makes my day. So now I do whenever I am sincerely impressed or enjoy something.
As a guy, I appreciate compliments.
There’s a lot of us who do, so please don’t stop. We receive them so infrequently that it’s reassuring and nice to hear if we’re doing something well or not from someone else.
No man is an island, and those that want to be tend to be assholes.
Lol I love how it jumps from my having an opposing view to me being an asshole because of it.
Well that person said no man is an island, and the ones who want to be are assholes.
Does that describe you? Do you want to be an island?
“Lol, I love how it…”
I might be alone on this but it feels like only assholes use that sarcastic phrase
I appreciate compliments. I have a hard time accepting overly specific compliments.
The original note that started this thread was on the overly specific side.
To be very fair there’s a difference between giving a compliment to your face directly and writing a letter with specific details that could come off a bit creepy.
“Hey nice hair! You’re rocking it!” - said to your face as someone walks past.
Is different to what’s in OP.
Drastically different than observing you and your family over the course of multiple hours. The example you gave is valid and I love shit like that.
At some campgrounds you can’t not hear your neighbors. I understand there’s a social expectation of pretending privacy but surely this is just a wholesome gesture?
Why?
Seriously, it seems like a genuinely nice note. No harm was done and everything that was said was validating and positive. It didn’t need to be said, but that just makes it all the more special. That guy going out of his way to give that validation when it obviously wasn’t necessary just shows that he isn’t just being a good dad. His parenting is at a quality at that at least one other dad admires. He doesn’t need to be told that, but I’m glad he was.
I suppose I don’t understand your perspective. If you know you’re a good dad then getting validation on top of that is just good, right? If it’s obvious you don’t need it and someone else is still compelled to tell you then you must be doing an even better job than you thought!
It’s good you don’t need validation. In fact it’s a great level of confidence in your ability. So if someone validates that confidence. That’s good? It’s not needed, but it’s still good.
Or at least that was my takeaway, I was curious about yours.
ETA: I had a thought… What would your opinion be if the feedback was negative? What if he was aggressive and mean? Not loud, or drawing attention, just a dickhead to his kids and family.
I’m not looking for any particular answer here, I’m just curious if your opinion would change at all.
If you’ve ever been camping at RV parks, there is limited privacy and especially if you have kids, if two campsites are next to each other outside, they are absolutely going to be listening in on each other, because there’s not much else to do.
Also same with watching people pull in to their spot. As someone who regularly RV camps, everyone watches everyone pull in and also pack up to see how efficient they can do it vs themselves. It’s like a pasttime, especially if you get lucky and catch someone who has to try 10+ times to line up the RV correctly, because you know they just rented a bunch of equipment and don’t really understand how to use any of it.
TL;DR; it feels like you’re complaining about someone being thoughtful and wanting to pay it forward at an RV park by telling someone else, one father to another, that they’re doing a good job at life. Guys don’t get positive reinforcement a lot, so I bet this meant the world to the father who received the note.
I’ve spent many a week and weekend at camp sites. Normal people are not standing around gawking at people’s parking skills nor are they actively listening in to other campers conversations.
the weird part to me is writing such a long note and putting it on the car.
if it was delivered in person (and then there’s still a lot that could make it weird), or the note was just “hey man, couldn’t help but notice you seem to be a great parent, props from a fellow camper”, i’d be more comfortable with it.
Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I can understand how something coming across as overly specific could be creepy.
I think I’d put a bit more details to show actual examples then it doesn’t sound hollow. I think I would feel weird if it was just a random short note. Like, what did I do? Did I make a scene? So to avoid making someone else feel that way I’d add a few examples in the least weird way possible 😄
But I’m autistic and tend to question my way of viewing things a lot, so maybe that’s just a me thing 😉