Normal people can just DO this without medication? I can sit here and listen to music without feeling the need to be hyper-tensed and aware of everything around me? Why does my heartbeat feel calm? Why am I not on edge?
I was recently reading a book on sanitation conditions in Stalinist Russia, and it made me think about how many ‘normal’ things I take for granted in my day-to-day life that simply were not the norm for the majority of human history. I guess this is the reverse - something which other people take for granted, but I’ve only just received, and it’s like the Holy Grail in my hands.
Yeahhhhh. I’m on a correct dosage of atomoxetine since a bit over a month and I still cannot get used to just being so calm. The need for energy drinks and sweets literally evaporated after a one week retreat, as did my obsessive need for gaming which I used as a soothing tool since being a lil undiagnosed kid.
I can count moments in my life when I felt this internally calm on the fingers of one hand. It feels so eerie right now, and I’m feeling my brain looking for a gotcha moment that will end this. Hope this stays with me for a longer while and gives me a shot at sorting out my life without being a stress powered ball.